Texas Politician, Cole Hefner, In Some Hot Water After Allegedly Enjoying Some Pleasure-Soaked, Prostate-Milking Pegging Sessions With Another State Rep and Staffer
Heading into the November election, a senior lawmaker in the Texas House allegedly threatened a candidate’s spouse to keep quiet about a series of affairs or face challenges to his fitness as a parent from legislators. More important than marital vows or the well-being of children was the outcome of an election.
This allegation sits at the center of a sordid love triangle alleged by Ashley Burke and apparently involving her former boss State Rep. Lacey Hull (R–Houston), State Rep. Cole Hefner (R–Mount Pleasant), and their mutual campaign consultant and lobbyist Jordan Berry.
“I know based on verbal and written confirmation directly from Hull to me, often in explicit detail, that she was engaged in multiple affairs before, during, and beyond the course of her campaign season,” Ashley Burke told Texas Scorecard. “She engaged in a full-fledged affair with Rep. Cole Hefner; he was a prominent fixture during her campaign, often escorting Lacey in his own vehicle to and from ‘campaign activities.’ We now see Hull voting in line with Hefner in the House, even when the voting goes against convictions she has claimed to hold in the past.”
People in Texas are curious about this case because it’s from two of the most prominent “values” folks down here. I’m not trying to get into all that because it’s none of my business what people stick in and around their buttholes.
Look, people often want bloggers to be the moral authority on every issue. Well, I’d say it’s a 4-way tie.
1. Bloggers
2. Athletes (like baseball players and whatnot)
3. Musician (saxophone player)
4. Politician (local government official)
The truth of the matter is that Charles Barkley was right. We aren’t role models. We just talk like we are because we have to fill the day with content or competition. After all, when all the dust settles one simple fact remains: we are just people- people with desires to be pegged like the little wooden game at Cracker Barrel because EVERYONE can cum from their butt. The butthole is truly the great equalizer. There are no gender roles in our assholes.
If you wanna spew platitudes about traditional values during the day while misleading the public on issues ranging from education, health, and the basic human decency concerning trans kids while justifying those inane bills on behalf of your bride of 10 years and then- just moments later- having your lover strap on a dildo the size of a baby arm whilst you wail with pleasure to the point that the neighbors in room 243b need to turn jeopardy all the way up because Aaron Rodgers was speaking so softly that they could barely hear anything except the timeless phrase of “fuck this big boy booty, you beautiful blonde bimbo” coming through the wall while she was coming through your anal wall, that’s your business. I’d just ask that you not do that in the hotel room during jeopardy time because you don’t have the luxury of a DVR at the Marriott. However, that’s just a request. You gotta sleep at night knowing that you caused someone to miss a Daily Double. Good luck with that.
I’d like to remind you that these are all allegations at this point. Our great moral compasses are still leading Texas north by following the star on the flag. It’s refreshing to see people pontificate about protecting public “family” values while acting like they live in the mosh pit at the Family Values Tour. Get you some reps who can do both.
By the way, it’s unfair that eople are just assuming that FMA means Fuck My Ass. It very well could but that’s no bother to me. I don’t care who gets their ass fucked and I don’t care who is doing the fucking. ITS YOUR ASS! I don’t know how many times I have to say it. Do whatever you want with your Butt hole. If that makes me a big ole pussy lib, so be it. I’d prefer these values folks fuck each other’s butts than continue doing what me and Feits talked about on Confessions. A little blanket training. Wait until you hear what that shit is.
I guess in summary, when it comes to bedroom stuff, each adult is entitled to their own sexual proclivities. May a thousand blossoms bloom as far as I’m concerned but I ain’t gonna spend anymore time on it because, in the meantime, every 90 days a person is torn to pieces by a crocodile in North Queensland.