Yesterday I Got Emasculated So Hard Dave Portnoy Thinks I Need To File A Complaint To HR

Yesterday inside Stool Streams Stadium we had a heavyweight battle on the Ping Pong table between myself & Cakob Marsh. This has been a rivalry that's been going on for over a year at this point both on camera and off camera behind the scenes. In the beginning Jake beat me handily every single game without fail but in the last 6 months I have grinded and worked on my game to the point where I would say we are pretty much even. I have beaten Jake off and on camera in 2021 as has WTL producer Jack Macarthy so Jake knew how important yesterdays match was in terms of his overall rankings in the office

(sidenote - Lurch shouldn't even be on this list cause hes a fraud coward that's too scared to show up to the office and play ever)

Here is the full video of the match if you are looking for some high quality pong but to summarize, I won game 1 21-18. I choked game 2 and lost 21-19 and in game 3 we were tied up 18-18. Thats where this clip begins

Yes I choked and hit 2 easy returns into the net but the real story here is Jake Marsh going full Pete Weber Super Sayain mode

Giphy Images.
Giphy Images.

While I feel bad about losing of course, what really hurts is the fact that I was one winning point away from winning a stoolie $1500 thanks to the Play Barstool progressive jackpot

The youtube chat was going crazy in real time as well as members of Barstool HQ after they saw the clip

Dave was so taken aback by Jakes outburst that he even went out of his way to text me to make sure I was alright

A fantastic boss indeed, and while I appreciate the concern this loss will only fuel the fire in my belly and motivate me to come back harder and stronger than ever before for my next match against Mr. Marsh.

PS - Since that stoolie didn't win the $1500 that means the progressive jackpot is now up to $2000 for Thursdays cornhole contest that is featuring some heavy hitters. Go make your picks now