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Washington D.C.'s Mayor Bowser Has Doubled Down On Her Ban On Dancing At Weddings

DNUYZ - Washington, D.C., Mayor Muriel Bowser on Wednesday defended her decision to prohibit standing and dancing at weddings after her order, which she says aims to mitigate the spread of COVID-19, was the subject of much backlash from residents and media.

Asked by CNN, “What good is a wedding without dancing?” Bowser replied, “I think there’s a lot of good to a wedding, like people starting off their lives together and doing it in a safe way and not doing it in a way that puts themselves or their guests in danger.”

“An alternate headline may be, ‘Now You Can Host a Wedding in Washington., D.C.,’” the Democratic mayor suggested.

She said the new rules, issued via executive order on May 1, allow for a number of events, including family reunions and birthday parties at hotels and restaurants.

“And just like our restaurant guidelines suggest is that you have to be seated to enjoy the restaurant,” she said.   

The order also limits indoor and outdoor weddings to 25 percent capacity and requires a waiver for more than 250 people. In a statement to Fox 5 DC earlier this week, the mayor’s office said the dancing ban aims to reduce the spread of COVID-19 because when people stand and dance they are more likely to get close and touch each other.

The way things have been going recently reminds me of a famous Aesop Fable called "The Wolf and The Lamb". It goes like this -

A Wolf was drinking at a spring on a hillside. On looking up he saw a Lamb just beginning to drink lower down. “There’s my supper,” thought he, “if only I can find some excuse to seize it.” He called out to the Lamb, “How dare you muddle my drinking water?”

“No,” said the Lamb; “if the water is muddy up there, I cannot be the cause of it, for it runs down from you to me.”

“Well, then,” said the Wolf, “why did you call me bad names this time last year?”

“That cannot be,” said the Lamb; “I am only six months old.”

“I don’t care,” snarled the Wolf; “if it was not you, it was your father;” and with that he rushed upon the poor little Lamb and ate her all up.

The moral of the story is the tyrant can always find an excuse for his tyranny. The unjust will not listen to the reasoning of the innocent.

We're talking about dancing right now (Allen Iverson voice)…

Dancing!

At a wedding!

If you feel like we're living in the movie Footloose starring Kevin Bacon you're correct. We are.

To paraphrase, since the beginning of time, humans have danced to celebrate things. 

What the fuck is the point of a wedding if there's no dancing? It's just church (or synagogue, or where ever else people choose to get married) and then steak, chicken, or fish. And you're getting whacked a couple hundred bucks at least just for showing up and not being a dirtbag. If you can't get loaded at an open bar and dance your ass off like a fool then what's even the point Ms. Bowser? (such a perfect name)

Asked why nearby jurisdictions haven’t implemented a similar ban, Bowser responded, “I’m the mayor of Washington, D.C. so I work with our public health experts to make the decisions that are best for Washington, D.C.”

Bowser previously defended her order in a press conference on Monday, saying, “if you’re asking about being seated at large gatherings, that’s been our posture throughout the response to the pandemic … It’s the public health sentiment that we are still maintaining physical distance and, in venues where there’s other activity that adds risk for the spread of COVID, like alcohol consumption, it’s even more significant that people maintain social distancing.”

These politicians are so drunk with power at this point I think they're deriving real sexual pleasure from pulling our puppet strings and watching us dance.

Giphy Images.

So for the record, you can all take cars to the ceremony, hug and kiss your loved ones and shake your friends' hands when you see them. With masks on of course. Then get back in your cars or take the party bus to the reception. Then once you're at the reception you have to be seated. It IS ok if you all share the buffet, or get up and walk around to everybody else's table to exchange pleasantries, you just CANNOT under any circumstance enjoy yourself whatsoever or partake in moving your body to the rhythm of music while standing up or dancing. Absolutely not allowed. Because that’s how COVID gets you. Unless you’re sitting down at a table with no more than 6 people. Then COVID can’t get you.

But the good news is that’s only until May 20th. Then you can't catch Covid by dancing anymore, so it's allowed again.

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Giphy Images.

Hot seats Lori Lightfoot and Bill De Blasio. Interested to see how they counter this move.

p.s. - never heard of this guy Trey Kennedy until a couple weeks ago but this bit is pure gold. He nails everything, especially the part about airports and planes.