The Queen Gives a Prestigious Award to a Sex Toy Company

Source -  The Queen has honoured the UK’s biggest sex toy company with a top award. 

Lovehoney, based in Bath, has received the Queen’s Award for Enterprise for ‘outstanding continuous growth’ over the last six years.

The firm’s overseas sales have grown from £12 million to £56 million since 2015 – a rise of 365%. 

The award will allow Lovehoney to use the Queen’s Award emblem in advertising, marketing and on packaging for five years, and is considered a symbol of quality and success.

Debbie Bond, Lovehoney’s chief commercial officer, said: ‘We are thrilled to have received official recognition from the Queen. 

‘Her Majesty has been a wonderful supporter of Lovehoney as we have grown into being the world’s leading sexual wellness brand.

 ‘Royal patronage will help us to create more jobs at our Bath headquarters and in our international offices and spread the sexual happiness message globally.

Before I begin, let me offer a disclaimer: Don't take anything I'm about to say as an endorsement of Lovehoney and their related companies. The Queen may be giving them her coveted seal of approval, but I'm not a consumer of theirs, nor can I speak to the quality of their goods and services. For all I know somewhere on another Barstool platform we have a sponsorship deal with a sexual wellness brand, and if so, you should go to them for all your sexual happiness massage needs.

With that business out of the way, how about Her Majesty? Ol' QE II suddenly finds herself single, and she is more than ready to mingle. Even if it's while flying solo. Her husband might have turned up unexpectedly dead at the tender age of 99, but that doesn't mean she is. This little minx still has a lot of good years left in her. And she's going to spend them making sure her subjects know what brand of (pause for a Google search) Wands, Rabbits and Bullets gets the Royal Seal of Approval. 

And it certainly sounds like this is a big deal. This Queen's Award for Enterprise is no phony baloney Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence:

It seems more like the way countries like France and Germany put tight controls on wines and beers and only the ones made in keeping with the proper traditions get the government seal on the label. So my assumption is Her Highness doesn't just go slapping her official approval on every Fleshlight and French Tickler on the market. 

I have to admit, I've got a natural animosity toward the Royals. Owing to old grudges, like the fact their ancestors pretty much tried to starve my ancestors out of existence during the Potato Famine. Pretty petty of me, I know. But whatever else I think about her bloodlines and the fact that the very idea of having a queen is silly, pretentious, and a colossal waste of resources, as pretend fairy tale monarchs go, she is most definitely the cool one.