Now there is someone who just gets it. I remember when I was young and someone would ask if I wanted to take an IQ test. They would light a match then move it closer to my face. If you moved your head back, you failed. If you blew out the match without moving, you passed. That simple.
Well this genius passed their fire IQ test with flying colors too. Why in the world would you try to defend yourself from a 3-on-1 power play of thieves clearly jumping out of a robber van using only your fists when you have something in your hands that can turn even the smallest spark into a deadly bazooka? There is no way stealing my wallet or my car is worth potentially turning into Derek Zoolander's friends in one of the most preposterous scenes in cinematic history.
Besides, what's the worst thing that can happen if you just start pissing gasoline all over a bunch of people at a gas station? Well besides a gruesome fiery death for everyone in the area. You lose like $20 pumping fuel onto a couple of human beings and your car will always have a faint smell of gasoline. That sounds like a net positive to me!
You would be out more than 20 bucks if those motherfuckers take your wallet, you don't have to go through the hassle of canceling your credit cards, and oh yeah best of all your car will always have the faint smell of gasoline on it, which is one of the lowkey most wonderful smells in the world. That actually may be the biggest W caught in this video. No sane person will actually spill some gasoline on themselves because our super evolved brains that took us to the top of the food chain simply won't allow it. But if it's done when the Fight Or Flight hormones are flowing through the body, there is no time to think and only time to do. Actually now that I think about it, we need to get gasoline scented car fresheners in the Barstool Store ASAP. Nobody steal this idea as I write to the merch team.