Tom Brady Dad Jokes That Julian Edelman Didn't Retire, 'He's just too scared to tell Bill he wants to come to Tampa'

Hey NOW!!!

If you could actually hear Brady without Mark Wahlberg stomping all over his punchline, he actually mentioned Bill Belichick while taking a not at all subtle swipe at him. "Hey Jules! You were miserable playing for that insufferable SOB, just like Gronk and me! Unretire and I'll send him a draft pick so you can come join us and be happy!" Heyyyooo!

I have to admit, I don't hate it. I mean, I'll defend the builder of this mighty empire with my dying breath. And never forget that Brady and Gronk left him, not the other way around. But I respect that Brady is willing to kick a man when he's down. A vicious jab like that is not the kind of thing you'd expect from a guy who lives his life by "The Four Agreements." And you're not going to find insult comedy in the sorts of inspirational quotes that Gisele posts along with photos of her on the beach in front of a Costa Rican sunset on the 'Gram. But I appreciate him showing he's willing and able to hold a grudge. It's the kind of thing I would've liked to see more of when he was getting dragged by Ray Lewis for being a whiner or under attack as a cheater from an entire nation ignorant of simple middle school science like the Ideal Gas Law. So when he shows that side of him, I'm happy to enjoy it for what it's worth. 

Then again, maybe it's just the timing. How much can you hate on a guy for hating on your guy when your guy like pulled off one of the great moves of his career? Belichick is 10 feet tall and bullet proof right now. He let Brady walk. He suffered for a year while the world was in lockdown and his team was in salary cap prison. But like Andy Dufresne, he crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side in a matter of one season. He crushed the competition in free agency, resigned most of his core veterans, and the one major, missing piece he lacked fell into his lap in the draft without him breaking a sweat. 

He's got everything he wanted, with nine picks still to go. And by the latest reports, he's excited to get back to developing the next great QB and will coach forever:

So go ahead. Make with the jokes, TB12. Keep them coming. Show no mercy. Be the football equivalent of Jeff Ross at the Friar's Club. Even pull Edelman out of retirement if you want. Right now, New England couldn't be more in the mood for a good laugh. Nothing can bother us after this: