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Anything and Everything That Happened In Round 1 Of Last Night's NFL Draft

The First Round of the 2021 NFL Draft Last night was pretty hype, Rodger Goodell's antics were revolting but thankfully did not ruin the amazing spectacle we call the NFL Draft. 

First Off, The whole venue seemed like a cutscene from a Madden career mode, between the red carpet and the walkout entrances, maybe it was just a lack of events during the pandemic but it all seemed like a video game. 


I am the same age as the guys in this draft class technically, and I don't know if this was the aim but it really looked like scenes from the madden games that inspired a lot of NFL dreams. 

Goodell brought his basement chair so he can get off to a fan of every team sitting on something he farted into as much as a Drone pilot's cockpit seat (AirForce Drone pilots calculated throughout all the shifts in a day 100+ farts).  


1. Jaguars: Trevor Lawrence, QB, Clemson

Trevor Lawrence is either the next multi-Superbowl-winning Quarterback and lives up to the hype (The easy take) or he struggles with the adversity of being 0-4 and not being able to dig out of the hole. Trevor Lawrence has never lost a regular-season football game in college or in high school. All of his losses have come with a full body of work of a good season. Can he salvage a 0-4 or 1-3 or 2-2 team over .500 and maybe do that for 2 more rebuilding seasons? The only way to deal with specific pressure is specific experience and Trevor's career does not reflect that experience. Also, he will be battling with Tim Tebow (who may make the team under Meyer) for the role of the spiritual leader of the team. If Lawrence isn't the religious Alpha who knows what will happen to his psyche. 

Look I took the path less traveled with this take, I could have just been lazy and said he is the next Tom Brady and it's a great pick A+.

Will he care about football as much as his hair?

2. Jets: Zach Wilson, QB, BYU

The Jets drafted a living Ken Doll. Zach Wilson just might be too pretty to play in the NFL. It's hard to wonder why a team would draft a QB that faced 0 power 5 teams and have a limited number of starts. Yes, he has incredible separation of his base to his throwing motion allowing him to make "Mahomesque" throws but he is 6'3 209 with previous shoulder surgery (Lowkey this was my stats sophomore year of high school). 

I have a theory, but it is a double-edged sword. Zach Wilson is a Mormon, many have attributed his youthful appearance to his lack of consumption of any kind of substance (neither alcohol nor caffeine). New York City is a playground for athletes. Athletes have the youth and energy to do activities, but unlike other young people in New York, they also have the money to enjoy leisurely activities more. What this translates to is bad sports teams. This is at least my hypothesis on how New York sports have been the past couple of years. It is much easier to focus on football in say Green Bay, Wisconsin, or Kansas City, Missouri. Thus a Mormon who does not partake in imbibing would be the perfect solution to such the hellscape of New York. I also think this was the thought process behind Daniel Jones (known introvert nerd), and the source of Sam Darnold's Mono. A Mormon ain't catching mono out on the town. 

...But here is where the double-edged sword comes in. 

Look NFL players come from a variety of backgrounds and a lot of those come with baggage. Some things that are deemed fine locally might not translate on a national scale. I am concerned that Zach Wilson may in the end have a vice that could affect his play and damage his NFL chances. 



And it's not like there aren't red flags he took two cheerleaders to prom, if you have 2 girlfriends you don't have one.  

3. 49ers: Trey Lance, QB, NDSU

He has a limited body of work with low career pass attempts but I believe he has serious upside. A proven winner, he also has experience playing in the cold, something that really does carry teams in the playoffs. I am excited to see how he does because his playmaking and athleticism will be instrumental in allowing him to still have offensive production while learning at the next level. 

4. Falcons: Kyle Pitts, TE, Florida

6'6, 245, 11 inch hands, 4.46s 40 time

He's an athletic freak... and the scariest part?

He's coordinated and knows how to use it. 

5. Bengals: Ja'Marr Chase, WR, Bengals

Great pick to get maximum passing production from Burrow with their experience at LSU. Ja'Marr Chase is not just good he's the best wideout in the draft. The only downside I see from this pick is that Joe Burrow cant throw the ball without an offensive line. Hopefully, they use their next 5 picks on offensive linemen.

6. Dolphins: Jaylen Waddle, WR, Alabama

Another College reunification, I always thought the secret to DeVonta Smith's success was that teams were game-planning for Waddle who would get more safety help and attention, allowing for Smith to capitalize and get the stats. He has insane breakaway speed and is going to be a matchup problem in the NFL.

The only downside I see, is he seems a bit Aaron Rodgeresque

7. Lions: Penei Sewell, OT, Oregon

Dan Campbell is focusing on the right things with this pick. I love when O-linemen go high in the draft. A team is only as good as their offensive line. Show me one team that had an amazing Offensive line and didn't win games or make the playoffs. Coaches shouldn't be drafting QBs #1 every year if they are bad they should be stacking up the boss hogs. Imagine if those terrible teams drafted good Olinmen every year instead of the next best thing QBs? Places like the Jets or Cleveland would be much better off. A good lineman is a long-term asset, a Rookie QB can be a flash in the pan. How many Linemen busts have you ever heard of? (Isaiah Wilson not included) 

His dad is also huge.

And he's got that warrior spirit and does the Haka which I think is so freaking cool. Absolute BOSS HOG STUFF

8. Panthers: Jaycee Horn, CB, South Carolina

Could have been a toss-up with Surtain. Shutdown corner 

9. Broncos: Patrick Surtain II, CB, Alabama

Another Shutdown corner, it Will be interesting to see if Horn or Surtain become characters like Richard Sherman or Jaylen Ramsey. Could also just be lunch pail guys like Stephon Gilmore

10. Eagles: DeVonta Smith, WR, Alabama

Durability, durability, durability. 6 ft 166 lbs is a hard sell in the NFL. No matter how fast and quick you are at some point someones going to catch you. It may have worked and gotten away with it in college, but a demanding NFL schedule with a Thursday night game after a Sunday night the week before with soreness causes you to lose a step and BOOM! I really hope he puts on weight and has success but the big leagues have kickers more than 160 lbs. I really want to see him and Jaylen Hurd connect for a lot of offense but weight is why I think he was chosen after Waddle. 

11. Bears: Justin Fields, QB, Ohio State

Justin Fields in my opinion is the best team turnaround QB in the draft. This is a guy who you put in a game and he creates offense no matter what. He's a baller and a tough dude. Yeah, he may be vegan, but he also has struggled with epilepsy his whole life which is a challenge and hurdle others have not. It's easy for a guy like fields to take that helmet to the hip in the playoff game and keep Ballin. If he's still breathing he's still balling. 

He also provides hope to many down bad Bears. 

12. Cowboys: Micah Parsons, LB, Penn State

He is a beast the Cowboys have needed since Sean Lee

13. Chargers: Rashawn Slater, OT, Northwestern

Huge need for Herbert and the Chargers to get it going. Love teams taking O-linemen in the first round shows they actually know what they need to rebuild. 

14. Jets: Alijah Vera-Tucker, OL, USC

Zach Wilson has a very pretty face a lot of defensive linemen are going to want to break, combined with Mekhi Becton from last year hopefully Alijah can ensure Zach Wilson stays as pretty as the day he was drafted.

15. Patriots: Mac Jones, QB, Alabama

Bill Belicheck gaslighted the nation to get this guy.


#1 I believe he is behind bringing up Jone's previous car crash resulting in a DUI, and maybe even added a fictional second DUI

#2 Purposefully looked disgusted at his pro day to throw other teams off the scent


#3 Coordinated with Saban to get him.

Saban has been feeding Belichick the cream of the crop of his team, specifically guys that can get hidden by the tremendous talent of Bama, guys like Hightower, Harris, or Jennings. If Saban thought any Alabama QB was going to translate to the NFL he would tell Belichick first. If Mccarron or McElroy had been the proper heir to Brady's throne Belichick would have taken them. 

Before Tua and Hurd most Alabama Qbs have been game managers. You had to decide if Mac Jones is a PLAYMAKER or a GAME MANAGER. A game manager on a talented team looks amazing statistically and to the untrained eye a superstar. A game manager executes plays and gets the best player the ball in space. Devontae Smith is so talented, his movement and body control is unmatched. Is Mac Jones just good at getting Devontae, Waddle, and all of Alabama's amazing wideouts the ball when teams try to stop Alabamas dominate the ground game? Or can this guy make big plays happen and ball. 

Saban and Belichick think this guy can ball.

16. Cardinals: Zaven Collins, LB, Tulsa

Versatile coverage and pass-rushing LB

Freaky athletic liken him to Hightower

17. Raiders: Alex Leatherwood, OL, Alabama

Great O-linemen, just don't know if this is what the Raiders really needed.

amazing football name though.

18. Dolphins: Jaelen Phillips, EDGE, Miami

This guy battled through a lot of adversity including a moped crash. Proven athletic force  

Needs to stay healthy

19. Washington: Jamin Davis, LB, Kentucky 

Impact Linebacker that plays fast 


20. Giants: Kadarius Toney, WR, Florida

Hopefully, this can make a difference in the Giant's offense. This guy made Trask look good at Florida hopefully he can do the same with Jones. Trading with Eagles is huge 

21. Colts: Kwity Paye, EDGE, Michigan

This guy has an awesome story and had one of the best feel-good moments of the draft. Very raw in talent but had great production. Will do well with concentrated coaching and not trying to maintain a 4.0 GPA at Michigan!

By being drafted he also he retired his hard working Mom

22. Titans: Caleb Farley, CB, Virginia Tech

23. Vikings: Christian Darrisaw, OT, Virginia Tech

24. Steelers: Najee Harris, RB, Alabama

We have all seen what he did at Bama. Inspiring how he held his draft party at the homeless shelter he once resided.

25. Jaguars: Travis Etienne, RB, Clemson

Starting to see what Urban Meyer is doing here. 


26. Browns: Greg Newsome II, CB, Northwestern

27. Ravens: Rashod Bateman, WR, Minnesota

28. Saints: Payton Turner, EDGE, Houston

29. Packers: Eric Stokes, CB, Georgia 

They clocked him at a 4.24s 40

30. Bills: Gregory Rousseau, EDGE, Miami

Big "Does this guy love football?" question with this guy due to missed year. 

31. Ravens: Jayson Oweh, EDGE, Penn State

32. Buccaneers: Joe Tryon, EDGE, Washington

Buccaneers have a great defense, but if it doesn't get on TB12 Joe Tryon will be getting utilized sooner rather than later. 

Alright Mountains are blue see you in June