Live EventSpittin Chiclets vs. Gen XYZ (The Dozen: Trivia Tournament pres. by High Noon Match 02)Watch Now

Absolute King Arrested After Dating 35 Different Women Simultaneously In Order To Score More Birthday Presents

A Japanese man has been arrested after reportedly dating more than 35 women at the same time.

Takashi Miyagawa, a part-time worker, is being investigated for allegedly defrauding dozens of women by pretending he was serious about each of their relationships and receiving hundreds of pounds worth of gifts from them.

Among the claims is that he gave each woman a different date for his birthday, ensuring a constant stream of gifts throughout the year.

One 47-year-old woman reportedly thought his birthday was on February 22, another aged 40 was told it was July, while another 35-year-old believed his birthday was in April.

There’s nothing better than a birthday present. There are other gift exchanging events on the calendar, but that’s what separates birthdays - there is no exchange. It’s a one way street. Only problem is that a year is a long time to wait for the next celebration. Well this man solved this problem in a big way in what I can only describe using a video of those old Guinness commercials.

An arrest feels steep for something as minor as *checks notes* fraud. Like sure, it’s “illegal” to “defraud people” for “your own personal gain.” I’m hoping this is like when elite hackers get brought in by the Pentagon, not to be jailed but rather brought in on the team. This guy is so far ahead of the game his brain is an asset. You get this guy’s thought process focused on something other than an endless chain of birthday gifts and date scheduling and he could probably find the last digit of pi.