Winter Is Coming: Russia Wants To Clone 3000 Year Old Ancient Warriors

(DM)--Russia's defence minister has taken time out from massing troops on Ukraine's borders to unveil a 'Dolly the Sheep' cloning dream involving ancient royal warriors and their prize horses using DNA preserved in permafrost. Sergei Shoigu - one of Vladimir Putin's closest allies - spoke about the potential of the extraordinary 3,000-year-old Scythian burials in Tuva, his mountainous native republic in Siberia. When Shoigu, 65, initiated the Russian-Swiss archeological digs here three years ago a modern-day shaman was even drafted in by scientists to ensure the excavations did not anger the spirits.

The defence chief told a session of the Russian Geographical Society, also attended remotely by Putin, on Wednesday: 'Of course, we would like very much to find the organic matter.'He was referring to well-preserved remains of ancient people and animals, explained TASS. 'I believe you understand what would follow that,' said Shoigu in a broadcast by Zvezda TV.

'It would be possible to make something of it, if not Dolly the Sheep.'

Pack it up, it's over. Russia talk has been at the center of every news cycle since like 2010. Cold War has been back on. Scandals, hot mics, internet trolls, disinformation, and Putin murdering and stealing his way to being the sneaky richest and most maniacal dictator in the world. Apparently the guy wants the Crimea in Ukraine for keeps this time. I don't really have any opinions on that stuff because I am not a global conflict expert. I have been rewatching Game Of Thrones though and I will say DECLARATIVELY that I am #out on a war against Russia if they're bringing back 3000 year old White Walkers. Jon Snow isn't walking through that door. Dany and her dragons aren't walking through that door. Arya isn't walking through that door with a many faced valerian steel dagger to kill Putin and the Night King.  I mean look at these fucking things

Look at those and tell me you don't see these

And the Russian Minister of Defense just talks about them so casual. Like oh yeah, it'll be just like cloning that one sheep from the 90s. If I am Ukraine I probably just give them Crimea. Like honestly, who cares. What even is it? Nobody knows. If it's that piece of land or fighting an army of zombies just give it to them. There was an old Napoleon quote where he said he could never lose a battle because he had no problem losing 20,000 soldiers per day. Well imagine how Putin will be if he had an infinite supply of zombie clone warriors who are already dead. You think he gives a fuck about some clone of a guy who lived in a pre-ethical era. He will send thousands upon thousands of those dead guys into battle just to die again. Can't compete with that. It's news like this that makes me think Elon is on to something. This planet is about to be fucked by Putin and the long winter. Might as well live out our days on Mars if that is the case.