Reminder: There's Absolutely No Reason To Ever Wear A Cream Pie 69 Jersey (In Public)

My guy Cream Pie is making the rounds again today so I figured we could circle back from the weekend for a word about custom jerseys and, more specifically, the appropriateness of hardcore sexual innuendos. It visually takes up a lot of space when you take a step back and appreciate the landscape:

Maybe in a perfect world at full capacity you can blend a "69 Cream Pie" into the chaos of Wrigley. But this is opening day at a socially distanced arm's length. You don't have 40,000 strangers to backdrop your Cream Pie and protect your ex-girlfriend from the finger pointing and shame. Not when Wrigley is at half-mast. Even the fellas down in section 206 are talking about this asshole and they have to work around (literally) poles to see anything. 

At a higher level it's probably appropriate for me to tell you guys that you shouldn't wear a jersey to a sporting event. Probably within my professional duties to be all cool and hip and act like jerseys are lame because I'm Johnny Fucking Cool Guy. 

Well guess what. I don't hate a jersey at all. You want to wear one to a game? Fine by me. In fact I think it's endearing to offer that kind of fan support to your team. If I had my choice between drinking beers with a jersey guy or drinking beers with a memorabilia guy who collects jerseys, I'll take the jersey guy 100 out of 100 times. That's not even a debate. But somehow jersey guys get dragged all over the place. 

Let's be honest. There are moments when going to a game can be weird as an adult because you don't know what to wear. Nevermind the weather, let's talk about a 3rd date (DONT WEAR THE JERSEY). Or what about a work event and your boss wears business casual everywhere but you're trying set a Sluggers vibe? Or what about a day game but you don't have time to go home and change after so you have to pick one fit for 12 hours. Those are hard decisions to make that I think get overlooked when we criticize jersey guys. Not building a fan club here just saying I think it's a one sided argument. 

Even so, let's not forget the original point. And that's don't wear a Cream Pie 69 in public. I know it's tempting but you guys are just going to have to trust me on this one. You're confusing everyone. 

The timing of the Cream Pie is critical

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