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Baby Makes Medical History by Being Born With 3 Penises

Source - A boy in Iraq who was born with three penises is the first child ever proven to have the strange deformity, doctors have claimed.

Doctors in the north of the country, near Mosul, believe they are the first to ever publish a study detailing a case of human triphallia – in which someone has three penises. 

Only one was functional so the other two — attached to the shaft of his actual penis and bottom of his scrotum — were surgically removed. ...

Doctors said one in every five to six million boys is born with more than one penis, with around 100 cases of diphallia – two penises – recorded worldwide.

But the Iraqi boy is the first to have triphallia, according to the case report published in the International Journal of Surgery Case Reports. 

OK, the key takeaway here is that the two penises they removed didn't work. If they all happened to be fully functioning, then you've got a true dilemma on your hands. I mean, the No. 1 rule of they Hippocratic Oath is "First, do not harm." And removing a couple of full service bits of wedding tackle that will be breaking hearts years down the road will most definitely be doing harm to the kid. Speaking as an experienced, lifelong monopenis, I know I'd hate to grow up only to find out I could've had triple the pleasure, triple the fun, if only the doctors hadn't taken 67% of what God gave me.

Yes, every parent says all they want is for their baby to be born healthy. And by that they typically mean just like every other baby. Meaning one of everything that's supposed to come singular, two of everything meant to come in pairs and 10 the parts that typically make up a set of 10. I get that. But that doesn't mean human babies can't be upgraded. Three working penises wouldn't be a "deformity" as they call it. It would be a bonus. The next step in human evolution. One of the most common theories in science is that leaps forward in evolution are spurred on by what we would consider mutations. Sudden changes in animal design at the molecular level that make it easier to adapt and thrive. Hell, that's the whole premise of Homo Superior in "The X-Men." And I defy you to name me a "mutation" that would help a person thrive more than the ability to impregnate three separate women at the exact same time. 

Granted, it would take some getting used to. No date is ready to close the sale after prom only to find Ghidorah from Godzilla staring back at her. But I'd like to think  that the time is soon coming where we all celebrate our differences rather than demand everyone be the same. Three is better than two, which is better than one. Less isn't more; more is more. Whether we're talking about penises. Or that Mars prostitute from "Total Recall." Or buttocks:

We can all be happy for this baby that the doctors solved his condition. But the day will come, in our lifetime or in the future, when the first human will be born with three working home wreckers. And he will rule the world. Like the old saying goes, in the land of the one-penised, the three-penised man is king.