-If you’re the type of person who uses your thumb to start counting to 6 on your second hand instead of your index finger, I don’t fuck with you.
-Most insurance commercials try to be funny and lighthearted. There’s Jake from StateFarm. Flo from progressive. The Aflac duck, the Geico Gecko. But not AllState. They just got that guy with the deep voice telling us our families are gonna die in a car crash if we don’t get insurance.
-My biggest, most irrational fear in life is that I’ll one time have to describe a criminal to a sketch artist, but I know I’d be really bad at it and the sketch will come out terrible, and then the guy will go free.
-I wonder what came first, bagels or donuts? Who was first to have that circular with a hole in the middle shape? Did the original inspire the other? This is something I could probably look up. But I won’t.
-If someone says something like “You’ll never guess what I’m eating right now” and you give any guess, you win. They didn’t say “you’ll never guess correctly.” They just said you'd never guess. So by simply offering a guess, you proved them wrong.
-Tulum is a place that I keep hearing about and seeing posts from, but if you gave me a globe and said “point to the general area of where Tulum is or you die” well… there would be no Tommy Thursday Thoughts next week.
-Every April Fools' Day gives me PTSD. In first grade, my friend used to make these little paper frogs. On April Fool’s day, he handed me an envelope and said there were a few frogs in it and to open when I got home. But all that was inside was a few crumpled up pieces of paper and a note that says “April Fool’s.” I don’t know where he is now, 18 years later, but I hope he’s dead.
Thank you for your time.