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Find Me A More Awkward First Day Of Work Story Than This Cop Having To Handcuff A Man For Pooping On The Sidewalk

For Riverview Police Officer Johnathan Garcia, his first day on the job will always be memorable after he responded to a man who was relieving himself on the sidewalk on a heavily traveled road.

"We got a call from a few passersby about a white male, in front of the church there on Pennsylvania. They said he was pooping right in front of the sign there."

On his vey first call of his very first day of work? Ain't that some shit. But if I were the Senior Officer on duty that day, I'd send the rookie as well. Low man on the totem pole gets all poop related crimes. That's not hazing; I'm pretty sure that's written in the handbook.

And honestly, I bet two months from now this doesn't even register as a top 5 craziest thing that this cop has seen. Yeah, I know everyone remembers their first time, and this certainly is a memorable first arrest, but I've got to imagine that police officers have gotten far worse calls than a little Number Two out in front of a church. When you've been around the block enough, you see it all, especially in Michigan. This really isn't that surprising when you come to think about it. I mean, Michigan has been the toilet of America since it was founded in 1837.

Side note: Michigan was founded on January 26th, 1837. I don't know how the "founding" of states process was handled two hundred years ago, but I can guarantee you that if I was ever going to find a new state it'd be in the late Spring or early Fall. There's no chance in hell that I'm finding anything in Michigan in late January. Simply too cold. And it'd be too hot to do anything in the summer. Honestly, before heat and air conditioning was invented, I just assumed people would work March through May, and then pick up again for August through October. 

Anyways, I digress. The fact of the matter is that this was a special first day for our newest member of the patrol force. Even though with the way he handled this one, I'm not sure he doesn't get promoted here in the near future....

Garcia said the evidence was on the sidewalk when he arrived and it was obvious what it was.

"It was definitely not an animal. It was definitely human in nature," said Garcia.

Sounds like we may have more of a private investigator on our hands!

But as much as this story is about the rookie cop, I can't help but wonder what the suspect's motive was here. Atheist? Lunatic? Nah, sounds like he just had to poop.

Garcia and his training partner caught up to the man just down the street. According to Riverview Police Chief Ron Beggs, the man admitted to what happened and said he had to go.

"He did admit to defecating in public. He acknowledged that his actions were wrong but I guess the urge got the most of him and he was unable to find an accessible restroom right away," said Beggs.

Could've happened to any single one of us. What else are you going to do when you're on a walk and you have to go? I'm not sure the answer is to drop a load right on the sidewalk in front of a church, but I also don't think it's criminal to have an emergency. Dude probably had Taco Bell breakfast followed by a little Chipotle for lunch. We're arrested people for that these days?