Here we go again. Nobody is allowed to have any fun. The other day, we received the great news from one of America's finest culinary institutions that any American with proof of having gotten the Covid vaccine could get one free doughnut per day through the end of the year.
Now, first things first. Nobody in their right mind actually believes there are more than 100 people in this country who are going to do this every day. It's just a good PR move for Krispy Kreme and a nice little way to celebrate being Covid-resistant if you find yourself passing by while the hot sign is on.
But even if I did want to get a free doughnut every day through December, that's my damn right. I got the vaccine — which is what I was told these doctors wanted — and now you're saying I can't reap the rewards of my labor? This used to be America.
What should we do instead, you may ask? Get one box of doughnuts and donate it.
However, to be fair, Dr. Wen also includes in there the possibility of eating the entire dozen doughnuts by yourself. What percentage of people do we think is going to take Krispy Kreme up on this offer more than 12 times in the next nine months? Five percent? Less? I would argue this doctor is actually increasing the supply of free doughnuts being distributed that she claims to so staunchly oppose.
And another thing: if I ever went to a doctor and found out he or she had 156,000 Twitter followers, I'd turn around, walk out and go find a new doctor. Nobody is operating on me that spends more time online than doing doctor shit. I'll take care of the internet grinding, y'all go do whatever doctors are supposed to be doing all day.
But all this woman has done is made sure I will be marching straight to Krispy Kreme the second I get my vaccination card, if only purely out of spite. Nobody tells me I can't redeem my free doughnuts. Not as long as those 50 stars and 13 bars are still flying high.