Introducing The Only 26lb, Back-To-Back Champion Of The Connecticut's Chubbiest Baby Contest: Me

Let's get it out of the way: I was a big lad, a large boy, a fat son.

But I was also a fucking champion.

- Jim Calhoun
- Geno Auriemma
- Shabazz Napier
- Tyler Olander
- Niels Giffey
- Diana Taurasi
- Sue Bird
- Maya Moore
- Breanna Stewart
- Jeff D Lowe
- Seth McFarlane
- Glenn Close

Some people have won multiple titles more than once:
- Diana Taurasi (NCAA & WNBA)
- Breanna Stewart (NCAA & WNBA)
- Jeff D Lowe (Chubbiest Baby & Emmys)

- Maya Moore (NCAA & WNBA)
- Sue Bird (NCAA & WNBA)

Only one person has as many two-time titles as Seth McFarlane, though:
- Emmy Awards
- Critics Choice Awards
- DVD Exclusive Awards
- Saturn Awards
- Spike Guys' Choice Awards
-- Funniest M.F.
-- Guy Movie of the Year

Christopher Polk. Getty Images.

- Teen Choice Awards

Kevin Winter/TCA 2010. Getty Images.

So, I might not be Seth McFarlane, but I wear my badge as a champion with pride. I was a big fucking boy. Bless my mother for lugging me around the state fair, just to get me some recognition at an early age. It looks painful to even hold me up.

I wasn't even that big at birth! Only a few pounds! Then… this…

What were they feeding me? How often did I eat lunch? What the fuck happened?


Now imagine if Trent grew at the weight I did at birth…

That baby would've weighed half a ton!

It's also worth noting that Trent still holds the record for Barstool's Biggest Baby. Nobody will ever, ever touch this record. Not even close!

Luckily, I eventually trimmed down a bit. Running around the house with the Star Wars toys was good for my health. But it remained that I was an old soul trapped inside of a young body…

…just weighing significantly less than before.

I was a Champion at a young, a two-time Champion, but a fat Champion, indeed.