The Saints Followed Up Drew Brees' Retirement Announcement By Restructuring Taysom Hill's Deal To A 4-Year, $140 MILLION Extension

Yeah yeah yeahhhhhhh, I understand that this is all some mathematical tomfoolery by the Saints to open up some money so they can somehow go from 80 zillion dollars over the cap to under the cap by the 17th. But I needed everyone to read that Taysom Hill, a player that was eligible as tight end in millions of fantasy football leagues this season, technically signed to a $140 million deal just so they could experience their brain cramping as it tries to process it before remembering that numbers aren't real in the NFL. People freak out when quarterbacks who have won MVPs and Super Bowls make that kind of money, so I'm sure Schefty killed a bunch of NFL Twitter nerds who took Taysom Hill's promotion to QB1 as a personal affront to them along with every Saints fan dreaming of their team's quarterback no longer taking up a shitload of cap space. Just a couple more bodies caught by the Bad Boy of Bristol.

I need some network to put up a graphic of quarterbacks that got paid this offseason to list Taysom Hill's deal on screen just to see how hilarious it looks, no matter how fugazi the actual cash is. Then I need the Giants to hire the Saints salary cap person because that nerd is a motherfucking magician.