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A Criminal Mastermind Remains On The Loose After Her Boobs Popped Out While Stealing A Package Off Of Someone's Porch

Life has to be pretty hard for a porch pirate these days. Everyone and their mother has a camera constantly monitoring every movement outside of their house that they are working remotely from. Even the significant uptick in online shopping doesn't help out these swindling swashbucklers since they are significantly more likely to walk away with someone else's underwear order as you are a sweet new PS5. The only good part about it is that being called a porch pirate is much cooler than being called a thief or burglar (I still have "Crook" higher on the power rankings for what it's worth). 

However this young Danielle Ocean clearly figured out the one loophole baked deep into the human DNA that trumps any modern technology. I have watched that video 10 times yet still don't have the foggiest idea what the assailant actually looks like despite being caught dead to rights by the finest piece of monitoring equipment Jeff Bezos has to offer. Part of that is due to the giant blurry blobs in front of her body, but another part of that is due to knowing there are two boobs behind those blobs. You know why the Yankees always win? Not because they have two injury prone sluggers that can hit balls to the moon. No, it's because the other teams can't stop staring at those damn pinstripes. Boobs are essentially the human version of the Yankees pinstripes and by showing off her pinstripes, this lady ensured she will be Jane Doe for Johnny Law as long as she keeps stealing with the top down.