The Reason Why The Roman Empire Never Conquered Ireland: They Were Scared Of Us
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If the gap between first and second in this draft wasn't so significant I wouldn't blog this until later. Anyone who listened to the draft knows that the most ruthless Italian dictator since Mussolini is about to win the Irish snake draft. I am disgusted that the guy who picked a disgusting stereotype of an Irish character is about to win, but it is what it is. Congrats to Emperor Ed on conquering Ireland. Something no Roman has ever done. Even back when the Roman Empire ruled the world they never ruled Ireland. Why didn't they conquer Ireland? Easy...they were too afraid.
Here is a real quote from a Roman citizen named "Strabo" who lived from 68 BC to 24 AD
"There's also an island which stretches parallel to Britain on the North. Concerning this island I have nothing certain to tell except that it's inhabitants are more savage than the Britains. They are man-eaters as well as heavy eaters. They count it an honorable thing when their fathers die to devour them and openly have intercourse not only with the other women, but also with their mothers and sisters. I am saying this with the understanding that I have no trustworthy witnesses for it..."--Strabo
Leave it to the Italians to just make up slanderous lies about the Irish. The more things change the more they stay the same, smgdh. You can't just go around saying that we eat our dead dads and fuck our moms and sisters. That's the worst thing you can say. Savages? No doubt. Way badder than the British?...duh. Drunks...sure, I guess. Eat a lot...you bet. Fuck our own kin? That is where I draw the line. You have us confused with the British Royal family, sir.
The most accepted reason is that the Romans sent explorers to what they called "Hibernia" and realized that it was an unconquerable place. Our ancestors in Ireland were absolutely savages, but that never stopped Rome before. See: Germania
The problem was that there were too many savages. The Roman way was to conquer a people and then pick a citizen of those people to rule the country and report to a Roman governor of sorts. Ireland at the time was divided up among over a hundred different tribes. There was no central ruler or governance. There's nobody to fight except for everyone. If the Romans found a Chieftan to put in charge the only thing that would happen would be that his head would get smashed in by a different tribe who already fucking hated that guy and then they'd eat him or something, allegedly. It'd be endless bloodshed like it always was on Ireland. Who wants to fuck with that? Not the Roman Empire, apparently. Literally everyone who came after them did, but they didn't.
If you missed the Irish shit snake draft the full video is here