Elizabeth Banks Will Direct A Movie Titled "Cocaine Bear", A True Story About A Bear That Accidentally Consumed 70 Pounds Of Cocaine It Found In A Duffel Bag

THR- Elizabeth Banks has found her next directorial project with a bear-centric thriller that has Phil Lord and Chris Miller set to produce. Universal is behind Cocaine Bear, which is based on an untitled spec written by Jimmy Warden, inspired by events that took place in Kentucky in 1985. 

The true story, as reported in 1985 by The New York Times, was that a 175-pound black bear consumed the contents of a duffle bag filled with more than 70 pounds of cocaine that was dropped from an airplane by a local drug smuggler, Andrew Thornton.

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So thaaaaaat's why AMC's stock has been going through the roof despite being completely butffucked during a pandemic. Movie studios clearly know that they have to dig out of this hole by greenlighting all of their best movies once covid lets us out of this headlock and Cocaine Bear is the jumping off point. I can see that Zoom meeting with Universal suits trying to figure out how they were going to dig themselves out of the last year and the word COCAINE BEAR appearing at the middle of the white board in the huge letters.

If any Stoolies are reading this while working at a movie theater, I would like to buy one ticket to Cocaine Bear right now. I don't need to read about the plot, see the trailer, or even confirmation that it was actually filmed. If something comes up that causes the movie to not get made, I'll just live with the $15 hit as long as I can get a stub that says Cocaine Bear on it. Because the only way, and I mean the only way, that I will believe that a movie about a cocaine bear will flop is if the great people in charge of it don't use this meme as their giant movie theater poster for the blockbuster hit and likely multiple Oscar award winner, Cocaine Bear.