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Johnny Damon's DUI Arrest Video is Bananas

Sweet mother of God. If there's anything worse than dealing with an aggressively angry drunk, it's trying to deal with an aggressively friendly drunk. Those wet-brained drunkards who want to reassure you everything is cool, when everything is most definitely not cool. To reason with you when their out on the liquor and way beyond the capacity for reason. 

And holy moly is this frustrating to watch. The cop is trying to keep it simple. Speak bluntly and directly. Stay in control of the situation with clear commands about what he wants the Damons to do. And the entire time he's herding a couple of very boozy cats. Michele refuses to stay in the car. Johnny refuses to stay put. He keeps trying to win the cop over by saying he's a Trump supporter for some goddamned reason and dropping a "Blue Lives Matter" in there. Even when he's cuffed the two of them are still yammering away, trying to talk their way out of it. The whole thing is a goatfuck from beginning to end. And it's a reminder of how glad you should be if you've never had a job where it's your responsibility to deal with irresponsible boozehounds. Cops. EMTs. Bartenders. Servers. Bouncers. To some extent or another, they all end up being babysitters to the world. 

I want to give Johnny Damon some benefit of the doubt. I watched him charter the superyacht on Bravo's "Below Deck" and, while he enjoyed getting overserved a time or two, he came across as a fun, happy drinker who was better to the crew than most of the uber rich charter guests. But this is a bad look for him. I'm a big believer that the person you are when you're drunk is a mirror into your soul. It drops your inhibitions, so that you act closer to your true self than the face you put on every day. In vino veritas, in wine there is truth, and all that. (Which is why when I've had a few too many, I become witty, urbane and charming. Like a cross between Oscar Wilde and 007.) The Damons come across as total  nightmares. Entitled, unreasonable children. 

Let's all just be grateful them acting like dicks was the worst thing that happened that night. And thank the officer who pulled them over in the first place, because this could've been so much uglier. Take a ride share, everybody.