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Jeff Bezos' Ex-Wife (The 4th Richest Woman In The World With $53 Billion) Has Married A TEACHER At Her Kids School

You have got to be kidding me. A net worth of $53 BILLION dollars and she marries some nerdy ass Science teacher? Correction: FORMER Science teacher. Chlorophyll? More like Borophyll now, am I right Mr. Jewell? Because there's no way this dude keeps his job. Sitting on a pile of money that could go to the moon and back, but still teaching kids about the states of matter and the water cycle. No chance. 

Teachers know exactly what we signed up for. Summers off and positively impacting the world are cool, but a big salary? Nah. It's literally a maximum of what, $70,000 per year? No bonuses. No incentives. No big raises. I mean, we literally get our rocks off on things such as buy one get one deals at Chipotle. We could never even dream of ever having a million dollars, let alone 50 BILLION. But now this Bill Nye wannabe is rolling in it. Swimming in it. Bathing in it.

Giphy Images.

What a world we live in. You can marry more money in one day than you can make in an entire lifetime. 50,000 lifetimes, really. And that is why I give this teacher an A+. I know he has to play it off to the media that they have a "connection" and all, but the fact of the matter is that he teaches her kids, and as soon as she (and her $53 billion) were single, he swooped in. Well played. GET THAT BAG, KING!

Keep the schtick up though, Mr. Jewett. Don't tell the old lady that the 9 zeroes in her bank account had anything to do with this.

Dan Jewett said he never imagined he would be in a position to talk about giving away significant wealth during his lifetime in order to make a difference in other people’s lives.

Uhhh, ya think? One day you're teaching about the scientific method and the next day you're deciding which charity gets a billion and which gets just a couple million.

I love how all of his quotes are about how happy he is to give away money, like he's not reaping the benefits of going from a $53,000 a year salary to a 53 billion dollar net worth.

“And now, in a stroke of happy coincidence, I am married to one of the most generous and kind people I know — and joining her in a commitment to pass on an enormous financial wealth to serve others,” Jewett wrote.

This guy knows how to play the game. I bet HE even asked her to sign a prenup. Gave her some bullshit about not wanting it to be about the money. "I've worked hard to save up this $45,000 in my account". Bezos' ex-wife probably ate that shit up. Honey, what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours. Here, have a space shuttle. Instead of teaching your little 5th graders about outer space, why don't we just take them there?