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After Careful Consideration I Have Decided That We Are Never Going To Meet Any Aliens

It honestly pains me to write that headline. I think everyone who follows me on social media or this blog knows I am a big alien guy. Arguably the biggest and if you're going strictly by number of blogs about aliens I am the #1 alien guy at the company

This will be my 40th blog on the subject. This might be the worst time ever to be pessimistic about aliens. We've had the Tic Tac UFO off of the coast of San Diego that the government confirmed happened. We have alien information being dumped covid relief bills so even members of congress are pushing for alien information to be made public. And yet…I think I am just giving up hope that we will ever meet those little green fuckers after talking to Chaps. 

1) They have to find us, we are never going to find them.

The closest "Earth-like" planet to us is 4.2 Light years away. Meaning even traveling at the speed of light it'd take 4.2 years to get to that planet, which may or may not have life on it. However…we don't have the technology to travel at the speed of light. We would need the millenium falcon to be in cruise control at light speed for an entire presidency to make there. With the technology we currently have it would take humans 6300 YEARS to get to the nearest planet. So we'd have to spend all this time making a space ship that had enough fuel and supplies like oxygen to travel that far for that long and then you know…the crew. Scientists say that you'd need 98 people, 49 men and 49 women to start with and they have to fuck and make babies and those babies will have to make babies and then their kids and on and on it goes for 6300 years which is older than fucking Moses. And all of those other generations will just be born and die on this mission for as long as humans have been around on Earth in civilizations. That's how long we'd have to float through space. So…that is obviously impossible. And…who knows what the state of Earth will be in 100 years let alone 6300. So yeah, we have to chill and let the aliens come to us somehow

2) What If They Already Came Here

The ole Ancient Aliens debate. Historically, I have bought into this idea more because I have a hard time believing that aliens are just buzzing our tower constantly. The universe is ENORMOUS and it's 13 billion years old. Earth is 4.5 Billion years old. It's hard to conceptualize time when it's that long, but I have a really hard time believing that in the entire history of the universe aliens are coming to Earth NOW. I can't get on board with that. It feels narcissistic on some level to think that the aliens are coming here now and that they're interested in Earth at a time when we are alive

What if they came here during Pangaea and saw this place that had some low intelligence life forms along the coasts, a GIANT ocean with no tides, and a supercontinent landmass that was basically all Sahara desert? They wouldn't want to come back here. They'd write our Earth ass off

Or worse…what if they came here when Pangaea was actively pulling apart and the volcanic activity was killing 98% of all life forms with acid rain and lava and shit? Not habitable and that lasted for like 50 million years. The aliens had a 50 MILLION year window where they could've found our little green planet and thought it was one of the most inhospitable places in the universe

OR…what if they landed and a T-Rex chomped one of their green heads off and a pterodactyl smashed into their space ship upon landing? All of those things are more likely than them coming now when we have brains and technology simply because the time period was longer. 

3) If The UFOs Are Real They Probably Don't Even Have Aliens In Them

This goes back to point #1. Let's assume that the Aliens have FAR advance technology that not only allows them to find us, but also allows them to zip across the universe like George Jetson by breaking the laws of physics. What type of organic, living, being would be able to survive such a mission? Nothing we can even conceive. I think it is WAY more likely that if we do track down a UFO and break it open that the only things in it would be some sort AI or remote controlled thing from a far away place. So we might get confirmation that something is out there, but we won't actually physically see, touch, or smell an alien in the flesh and I for one am dying to know what an alien smells like. 

So that is my position. Using logic, science, and math to say that we sadly will never meet the aliens. I wish I didn't feel this way. I want to believe something smarter than our dumbasses can come down and tell us how to stop fucking everything up, but my guess is that we are on our own. Loved this ep of dogwalk with Ed and Chaps. I'd love to do a show with Chaps, Eddie, and the WontonDon where we just talk about old shit and go on tangents about Atlantis and the short face bear and how religious mythology and teaching plays into our understanding of the ancient world.