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Your Titties Are Like Gazelles, You Honey-Potted, Big-Booty Ho— King Solomon, Basically

After nearly 14 years with nothing to do with it, I finally have hope that my seminary education wasn’t worthless to me. Over the past month, Feits and I have been cruising through some biblical tales and discussin the meaning behind them.

Most folks know the big stories. You know David and Goliath. You know the loaves and fishes. You know the ark. Did you know that Samson tied 300 foxes together and set their tails on fire so they could destroy his enemies’ wheat crop? Did you know King Solomon was BIG horny and thought telling his beloved that she had teeth like sheep was a compliment? Did you know he had 700 wives AND 300 concubines?

Did you know that some folks think the earth and all of creation are only 6k years old. Science says at least 4 billion. The church, in some parts, says 6k. That’s a pretty big gap if you ask me.

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