Big Daddy Completely Fucking Blows

Just kidding!!! 

It's a fine movie. It has all the things that we all know and love about earlier Adam Sandler movies; the love interest, the quirky side characters, the zany underachieving protagonist, the one liners and the predictable ending that leaves everyone satisfied and ready to move on with their evening. 

Which is fine. Completely fine. I said it was an average movie on this week's Snake Draft and people want to take the Live Nudes neon sign prop from the movie and shove it up my asshole for spewing such blasphemies. Being average is A-OK. 

It's WILD to me that there are Big Daddy Stans. Absolutely insane. I thought that for once myself and the rest of the internet were on the same page and in agreement that Big Daddy isn't Shawshank good nor is it Suicide Squad bad. It's just a pretty good, cute little movie. That's it. Most of the rating services agree with me or think it's even worse than I do:

Now we all know these scores are far from the end all/be all, but they're decent enough as references. They all agree that Big Daddy is a pretty fine movie. That's it. It's not on the pantheon of all time great OR bad comedies, it's right smack dab in the middle. That's all it is, especially when in comparison to his other movies like Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, The Waterboy and my personal favorite, The Wedding Singer… and don't get me started on comedies like Kingpin. Big Daddy isn't on the same PLANET as that movie or other Farrelly Bros movies. 

But holy hell. We legit have people calling it the greatest movie of all time:

I know, I know, the movie GOAT is different for everybody:

One can be objectively wrong about a subjective opinion. Like if someone said, "I think the Baltimore Orioles are the best team in baseball this year" they might actually be dumb enough to think that and they technically wouldn't be incorrect, but they'd also be objectively incorrect at the same time. That's what we have with this dude's "GOAT" take. 

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To each their own, I guess? Actually ya know what? FUCK that. Big Daddy is objectively NOT the greatest movie of all time. Again, it's a cheesy little comedy that Adam Sandler typically hits out of the park. It's FINE. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less, and I am fully aware that movie taste is completely subjective and everyone has their own "GOAT", but calling Big Daddy the greatest movie of all time is batshit crazy. Lock that dude up and throw away the key, he's going to murder somebody in cold blood soon.

I'm sure by this part of the blog you're gritting your teeth and punching away at your keyboard and constructing some really witty comment about my eyeball beard or lack of ability to chew gum on a nationally syndicated sports show. Before you finish, let me remind you that I run marathons and am a physical masterpiece handcrafted by god himself and you're not. 

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, I will finish by saying I give Big Daddy a 7.1 on a pizza scale. It's fine. Have I mentioned that yet? It just doesn't blow my dick off like it apparently does for the rest of you lemmings. I don't go out of my way for it but will consume it when it's put in front of my face all day every day.

I think that's fair. Now go and listen to us draft other Adam Sandler Shit in this week's dog walk.