Ya hear that, peasants! Ben hasn't done DICK! What's dick, you ask? Well, I'm not too sure, but Ben Simmons certainly hasn't not done it! At least not 4, maybe 5 times in one weekend or in #THISLEAGUE!
4 NBA Seasons - 3x consecutive All-Star - 1x All-NBA 3rd team - 1x All-NBA 1st Team Defense - NEGATIVE DICK! The year he wasn't an All-Star he won Rookie Of The Year? ANTI-DICK! There's no rings or even a consistent jump shot! I don't care if he's only 24 YEARS OLD...DICKLESS!. I ain't letting the man's nuts drop naturally! Not in #THISLEAGUE! Do dick, one time for me, Ben! ONE TIME DO DICK!
Also ignore the fact that making the ASG in the NBA ain't easy or given, and Mr. Balloon Hands has done it 3/4 full seasons in the league! I don't care if this isn't the MLB where every team gets at least 1 representative selected for the All-Star game or the NFL where it's comically easy to be a Pro-Bowl selection unless of course you were drafted by Howie Roseman in the last 7 years - CASTRATION! Get Devonte Grahamn, Mike Conley, etc etc etc on the line - STAT!
Oh well! Aeast I, CBS for sure had a full #EIGHTUNITS on Ben Simmons making the All-Star team that I am just announcing right now as it fits my narrative! If you care to listen, Fortnight Boy Smitty and Infallible Rone discuss Ben, Tobias Harris snub, Embiid's dominance, Flyers fixes, what the Phillies need to do, Theo Ratliff, and of course, Carson Wentz leaving behind the syphilitic shaft that is the Philadelphia Eagles on this week's First Time, Long Time!
We'll hang up and listen!