Spencer Jones Bathroom Brawl Update: His Lawyer Says He was Trying to Be a 'Peacekeeper.' The Guy Who Beat the Bag Out of Him Begs to Differ

If you're reading this than there's no way you've missed Nate's recap of the men's room fight that almost cost Sooner's special teamer (and Pete Mordell Holder of the Year Award winner, because that's actually a thing) Spencer Jones an eye. By now, no one in the Western Hemisphere has missed that one. 

Well like every drunken, after-midnight fight that ends with clothes soaked in piss and major surgery, the ambulance ride to the emergency room is only the opening scene. The action doesn't really begin until everyone has given their side of the story. Which in almost every case means making yourself the hero of the story. From OU Daily

Woodrow “Woody” Glass of Ward and Glass, L.L.P., in Norman has been retained by Jones’ family as legal representation, and confirmed the specifics of the altercation and Jones’ situation to The Daily late Saturday. ...

Dr. Perry Brooks of Norman, whose website says he specializes in facial reconstruction, performed a four-hour outpatient operation Tuesday, Feb. 16 in which he rebuilt Jones’ left orbital socket. ...

Glass also said the cause of the altercation is still murky, but that Jones was “trying to be a peacekeeper.”

The video begins with Jones telling his assailant to “Get the f*** out of here,” before the perpetrator wiped blood from his face on Jones and initiated his attack.

“He was trying to de-escalate that situation,” Glass told The Daily. “But unfortunately, it wasn’t de-escalated despite his best efforts, and he became the victim of this vicious assault you’ve seen.”

The last thing I'm going to do is rip Attorney Glass for saying his client was the innocent victim in all this. That's what he gets paid for. If he's going to get his third of any settlement, he's got to start by making Jones out be the Dalai Lama with elite placeholder skills. That's Job One. 

I just find it hard to believe from the video that he was trying to "de-escalate" the situation, based on what we've seen. In 1906 Teddy Roosevelt won the Nobel Peace Prize for negotiating an end to the Russo-Japanese War. And if he began the Treaty of Portsmouth by standing over Tsar Nicholas and telling him "Get the fuck out of" Manchuria, it's news to me. 

Maybe playing peacekeeper was exactly what Jones was going for. Videos can be deceiving. It's just that diplomacy that starts with a guy whose nose is bleeding being told to "get the fuck out" of a filthy, piss covered men's room and then shoved, rarely results in its desired outcome. Usually in that case, someone is getting a urine bath. In this case, it was Jones and whoever was standing by him. 

And the guy in the hat who put the suplex finishing move on Jones' buddy is not buying the "de-escalate" narrative:

That Braden Brown and his brother were given "no options," is in the eye of the beholder. That they "showed restraint"? That's a little tough to swallow, given the total and absolute beat down they put on those guys. But what do I know about what cage fighting since they were 12 makes them capable of. Maybe this was them at about a 4, and you don't want to see them at about a 9. 

What we do know is the Brothers Brown know a good business opportunity when they see one. 

You can't buy publicity like this. And when you get an opportunity like this, you've got to strike while the Guillotine hold is hot. 

The bottom line is exactly what Walter Kowalski says in "Gran Tornino." Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have fucked with? That's these guys. Next time you're in this situation, just go back to the bar. Thus endth the lesson. 

P.S. The guy narrating the video is the breakout star of 2021 so far. Barstool might need to bring him in for the next Rough 'n Rowdy.