Who Shit Their Pants After The Stool Streams Championship Today? An Investigation
They said it wouldn't be done but today was the Stool Streams Season 1 Jenga championship. After a grueling regular season of pool play, 3 rounds of playoffs + countless covid complications, #2 seed Da Chalk swept #5 seed The Futbol Team 2-0 and claimed the first Championship in Stool Streams history and a share of $10,000.
To the naked eye, Jenga may seem like a game of chance and luck but Liz proved time and time again that there is a high level of skill involved to be a great Jenga player. I've watched every game of Stool Streams Jenga ever played and she pulled off more impressive and improbable block pulls than the rest of the players combined, it's why she was named the 2020 High Noon MVP.
Jake Marsh & Jeff D Lowe were fantastic announcers throughout the entire season and I was thrilled to hear how well Jake delivered the "Championship call" so thrilled I tweeted out the clip as a way to gas young Jacob up
On my train ride home I checked my twitter mentions and saw this question posed underneath
Naturally I rewound the tape and sure enough, around :37 seconds in someone lets out the nastiest, wettest, fartiest sounding fart in the history of flatulence. It literally sounds like a cartoon fart.
A person literally pooped in their pants inside Stool Streams Stadium and didn't say anything to anyone so now as commisioner I have no choice but to get to the bottom of it. Lets meet our suspects -
1. Kelly Martin
Kelly just pulled the losing block not once but twice in a row and cost her team the championship and herself a $10,000 purse, she also was consistently chirping me and the integrity of the Stool Streams league throughout the broadcast/season and I could absolutely see her doing this as petty, sore losery way to get back at me and the league. She is on camera at the time of the accident but that could also have been a diabolical way to clear her name by hiding in plain sight. The way she bends down at the exact time of the fart sound could very well be Kel getting some power behind that bad boy on it's way out. By no means is her name clear of commiting this heinous crime.
PFT Commenter
PFT admitted on PMT on Sunday that he recently relapsed and shit his pants this past weekend. He also has 3-9 kidney stones living inside of him right now that need to get lazerbeamed out of his dick
He also tweeted this out of the blue after the match was over
Seems like someone is feeling guilty and is trying to clear their name..
Jeff D Lowe
& The D stands for dumping in your pants after the Stool Streams Championship + Spider pointed this out after the investigation was launched
Bailey
Stool Streams social guy, was in the room at the time. Does this look like a guy who would shit himself in a room full of people?
Absolutely yes
Spider
Went out of his way to throw Jeff D Lowe under the bus and in doing so implicated himself because he admitted he ALSO had chipotle before the match.
Big Ev
Lets be honest, it was most likely DVD but if it was him that would mean he was letting that fart out at the exact moment he was hugging Liz so I want to believe it wasn't him. His little chuckle immedietly after isn't a great sign of innocence though. Myself and SS Camera guy Max will be reviewing all angles of the footage in hopes of finding some more conclusive evidence and I will share those findings here when I get them.