Food Delivery Guys Are The Unsung Heroes Of The World And You Should Tip Them Reckless Amounts Of Money


Straight up- food delivery drivers are the unsung heroes of the world. They go out in all elements, all times of nights, into every neighborhood to feed our fat asses. They exist in every city and suburb in the country, working mostly for tips. It's gotta absolutely suck to deliver someone $100 worth of food at 11 at night and get stiffed on the tip. Like sure, the idea that we tip on the total amount of the order is kinda stupid to begin with because why would you theoretically have to tip more based on if you happened to add a slice of cake to the order or not, but that's the tipping game. You have to think about it as bigger than just you. When you order a little and tip a little that sucks for the delivery person, but it's balanced out by the person who orders a lot and therefore tips a lot. It takes a village to keep food in our bellies, so tip early and tip often.

But here's where it gets tricky for me: I never know what to do when it's snowing or raining: Do you a) order food and tip the drivers because they are working anyway, or b) don't order food because the conditions are unsafe for them to deliver and if nobody orders their boss will let them go home and not be put in harm's way? I always feel a load of guilt if I order food in bad weather and I try my hardest not to. But at the same time, NYC food delivery folk are the strongest motherfuckers in the world. They practically run the city. Traffic laws don't apply to them and everyone accepts it. There is not a bad word that can be said about a man zipping around the city on a bike, bringing Chinese food to whoever needs it at any hour of the night. I usually try to pick up food in the rain or snow, but then my crusty ass has to put on 100 layers of clothes to get it, so why not be a patriot and spread money to those who are already bundled up, ready to go? It's a conundrum that keeps me up at night, that's for sure.

So I hope they paid that dude on the ATV reckless amounts of money for whatever they ordered. That is a very unplowed street, and he deserves to be compensated for his bravery and heroics. I don't know how we get him a presidential Medal of Freedom, so a big girthy tip like your dad's should suffice in the mean time. Tip your delivery guys well because you never know when you'll need a hero on a 4 wheeler to deliver you pancakes in a bilzzard.


PS: Since I live alone I always feel guilty if I order only one thing for delivery, so I always add random things just to feel better about having the guy bring the food to me. I waste a lot of money that way. It's an issue. I should work on that.