And This, My Friends, Is Why You Always Wait Until After The Game To Start Boozin

1st period flies by. You're feeling fast. You're feeling loose. Your hands are there, you're seeing the ice, you're hustling all over the place, it was a great period for #3. Might as well enjoy a quick beer or two during intermission. You've earned it. 

2nd period comes around. You're still moving around great out there. Decision making is starting to get a little suspect but it's no big deal. Couple turnovers here and there are par for the course. You'll recover. Might as well pop another few beers or 4 during intermission. You're heading into the 3rd period anyway so why not get a quick head start on the rest of the night?

3rd period time. Your team is still up 1-0 but you personally look like absolute dog shit out there. You're getting stripped trying to dangle the blueline. You're not hustling on the backcheck. You had a wide open look from the faceoff dot and you sailed your shot like 8 feet above the net. Fuck. You really need to get off the ice and you gotta get off fast. You're feeling a little nauseous and you know the longer you stay out there, the more coach is going to rip you the next film session.  

Puck comes back your way. You have the long change this period and you still feel like you're miles away from the bench. You try to snap off a cross-ice pass through the neutral zone before heading off for a line change. Turnover. Puck goes back the other way on a 2v1. Goal horn goes off. Fuck. Tied game, and it's all your fault. Time to start drinking the pain away because you know coach is going to tear you a new asshole after this one. 

Game heads to a shootout. You forgot the rest of your team is dogshit and your drunk ass has to go out there for an attempt. You're already 8 beers deep but fuck it. You can shake off the spins for long enough to hit a quick forehand-backhand roof job. You played junior. Plus you've got a girl in the stands you're trying to impress. Time to sober up for one last dangle to save the day and win the ga....

And that, my friends, is why you always wait until after the game to start boozing. Start the party a little too early thinking you've already got the game in the bag, and you end up looking like this schmuck in the shootout. A cautionary tale as old as time.