Cue the Duckboats | Championship Collection for Banner 18SHOP NOW

Advertisement

You Buying This House For $1.3 Million? It's Six Feet Wide

A house billed as "possibly the skinniest house in London" is up for sale for £950,000 ($1.3 million).

Just six feet wide and covering 1,034 square feet, the five-story property was once a hat shop, according to real estate agent Winkworth, which is marketing it.

Man, back in my financial literacy class in high school, I was taught that Time Shares and playing the lottery were the two worst things you can spend your money on, but a $1.3 million apartment that I can't even lay down in seems like it should be right up there as well. I mean, you can't even fit a king size bed in this place. Maybe a medium sized futon...? I don't care what the location is, that right there is enough for this price to be slashed by 90%. You could put this six foot wide house right in the middle of Times Square or right on South Beach and I wouldn't shell out that kind of money for it. And listen, this is a bad purchase across all time periods and generations, but this is an especially bad purchase during a pandemic. How can you ever been six feet away from someone when the entire house never gets more than six feet wide? Who was this place built for, Paper Mario?

I know that our headquarters is in NYC and we've got the Chicago crew, but there is absolutely no part of me that would ever want to live anywhere but good old Ohio. Forget the big city, I'm a suburb guy. Do you know what $1.3 million can get you in this great state? We're talking an 8 bedroom, 7 bathroom MANSION with a swimming pool. Closer to 10,000 square feet than 1,000.

The fact of the matter is the ONLY reason to buy this six foot wide house like this is if it's right next to the Financial District so the big wigs on London's Wall Street can take their office secretary during their lunch break for a little rendezvous. But even then, can you even lay down? You may need to do the old fashioned Flying 69 (pictured below):

Nate and Asa could potentially look into purchasing a place like this, but for the rest of us: PASS.