I think the Super Bowl halftime show overthinks itself sometimes. It does a lot of "what do we think people want to think they want to see" instead of giving us "this will be really cool". I'd much prefer the latter. I don't need someone to go through an algorithm to find the act they think will most appeal to housewives between the ages of 27 and 45 who have X amount of disposable income and Z number of cats. Just get a few acts who will play the hits that we love, put some cool flashing lights in there, a couple fireworks, and let us all go "hey, that was pretty good".
They also have to make sure to not offend anyone, but also not make it too boring. The performer has to be a superstar, but still cool. It's a tricky spider web they have to maneuver in order to pick the halftime performer.
Last night, said artist was The Weeknd. And here is my (possibly controversial? Possibly incorrect?) take on The Weeknd- he isn't famous enough to be the Super Bowl halftime show. Is that a stupid take? Maybe. But when I think of the Super Bowl halftime show, I think Springsteen. Beyonce. McCartney. Prince. I don't think…Weeknd. Am I living under a rock or is he just not in that same tier? I get that Blinding Lights song is big, but so was Call Me Maybe and I've yet to see Carly Rae Jepsen take that stage. Again, maybe I'm just underrating The Weeknd's popularity, or maybe I'm correct, I really do not know. But what I do know is my Super Bowl halftime show I planned for next year would crush this year's. I've modeled it after the two best halftime shows of them all, the Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, P. Diddy, Nelly, Kid Rock, Jessica Simpson show (that's the one with her tittie!) and Aerosmith, NSYNC, Mary J. Blige, Britney Spears, and Nelly.
I'll still check the necessary boxes, but it'll be AWESOME. Here is what I have planned:
Open: Good Charlotte - The Anthem.
The ultimate tone setter. Good Charlotte's "The Anthem" has taken on a life of its own, being a pump up song that every cover band plays that the crowd goes wild for. It's everything Fall Out Boy's "Light em mup mup mup" song wishes it was. Plus, GC is internationally famous, so they'd pull in viewers from here to Taiwan.
The stage rotates and now it's the hometown (Super Bowl is in LA next year) favorite, reunited for the first time in 3 years….
Act 2: Yellowcard - Ocean Avenue
It's about time the new generation gets a heavy dose of Yellowcard in their lives. "Ocean Avenue" has won Song Of The Summer an unprecedented 15 straight years, a record that will likely never be broken. With the big game being played in SoCal next year, nothing better than getting a little beach flavor on the big stage.
And you follow that up immediately with a band straight out of Anaheim (Yellowcard is technically from Florida but got big after moving to LA), also reuniting, and bringing some major star power to the show….
Act 3: No Doubt medley (Don't Speak/Spiderwebs/I'm Just A Girl)
Gwen Stefani and co would hit the stage with a full brass band and orchestra and you would know things are just now only popping off. Because you can't have Gwen without a special appearance from Eve
After "Let Me Blow Ya Mind" concludes, the stage goes dark, aside from a spotlight only on Travis Barker.
Act 4: He starts tapping on his cymbal, but it's not what you think. Then a spotlight on Dave Navarro. It would only be appropriate they do Bad Boy For Life, seeing as Brady and Gronk are back in the game again (but this time losing 33-0 at the half to the Taylor Heinicke or Deshaun Watson led Washington Football Team).
And then finally, the main event.
Main Event: Reunited Blink 182 - Feeling This, All The Small Things, What's My Age Again, Dammit.
That's right. It's a reunited (once again!) blink-182 back in their home of Southern California, playing the songs that made them one of the most successful bands of the last 25 years. Shit, maybe Tony Hawk starts skating on a halfpipe during the set, maybe Carson Daily introduces them, maybe they get naked during What's My Age Again, who knows.
This is what we call a fan fiction halftime show. I understand it's no Bruno Mars or Katy Perry, but man would it be plain old fun. What ever happened to good ol' rock shows? Plus with some Gwen and Eve mixed in, Travis and Diddy, and don't forget the whole thing will open with The Anthem. I think I just saved the Super Bowl Halftime show.
(In reality next year's show is going to be Post Malone and Drake or something, but a boy can dream)
My original idea also included Sum 41 and Paramore but swapped them out for No Doubt/Gwen going longer. Sorry Hayley. I'm also now overthinking my own dumb idea and wondering if Good Charlotte and Yellowcard back to back would start too slow and we need to axe one of them. Sorry, gotta keep The Anthem.
Anyway, this was fun to write. I don't think something similar is totally out of the realm of possibility though. It's in SoCal, they'll want to do it huge since this year was only 1 performer, and I'm allowed to pretend blink-182 can headline the halftime show if The Weeknd can headline the halftime show.