Earlier this week, I went on a Seinfeld binge. I know I have wildly unpopular "takes" here and there, even though I support my takes with facts and statistics while the rest of you lemmings just operate in echo chambers and with hive mind, but Seinfeld could be argued as being one of the best sitcoms ever, in my humble opinion. I know that's sort of against the grain, but it's an honest take from me.
And because I went on a recent binge, I thought I'd bless the masses with my favorite episodes from the series. If you watch any one of these episodes, you'll be sore the next day from laughing so hard. Each one of them are a perfect 22 minute ab workout. I'
I've ranked and drafted lot of things in my life, but compiling this list was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm ranking six (6) episodes here and not 5 or 10 because I truly feel that these episodes ALL make strong cases for being in the top 5. It's my rule and that's how we're rolling today.
Let's get it on!!!
6. The Parking Space:
The 4 hooligans get stuck in a parking garage for a few hours because they couldn't find out where they parked. This is SO GODDAMN relatable. Are they on the 4th floor? Is that the elevator they took to the ground level? IS ELAINE'S GOLDFISH GOING TO DIE?!? Just a perfect thrill ride of emotions as we've all been in their shoes before. Getting lost in parking garages is the WORST.
5. The Clip Shows:
TV PERFECTION MY FRIENDS!!!! Why in the FUCK would Larry David and the producers think about writing original scripts and content when they can just pull content and clips from older episodes? It's truly genius if you think about it. If you said the clip show episodes of Seinfeld were the best episodes of the series, I wouldn't argue with you. I wouldn't necessarily agree with you, but the argument can be made. These episodes alone cement Seinfeld as GOAT
4. The Stock Tip:
George is such a fucking idiot. In fact, I've been compared to him in real life. Just constantly getting himself into jams and talking himself into corners, and it doesn't matter with what or who. Could be women, bosses, friends, etc. etc. etc. Just lives the roughest of rough lives, so to see him clear $8,000? Yep, this is all I need to hear to proclaim The Stock Tip as being a top 5 Seinfeld episode of all time.
3. The Dog:
Imagine flying on a plane, yucking it up with some old timer, and then all of a sudden inheriting his dog? Sounds kinda awesome because dogs are the absolute best things on earth… unless they're asshole dogs who never STFU and shit and piss all over your apartment. That's not a situation I'd wish upon my worst enemy, but nevertheless, it made for A+ comedy when I watched it happen to ol' Jerry. Speaking of pissing in places one shouldn't, I pissed my pants watching the scenes with Kramer trying to break up with some broad. Was absolutely magnificent television and has a GREAT case at the top spot in the rankings.
2. The Puerto Rican Day Parade:
This episode had everything under the sun - the Street Toughs made an appearance, as did Art Vandelay, and it was SO SHOCKING that it's been banned from TV because of its racist undertones. That, and Kramer stomped out a burning Puerto Rican flag. I'm not one for desecration of any flag, but it was laugh out loud funny from start to finish and gets my vote (the only vote that matters) for being the second best episode of Seinfeld ever. I've seen it no less than 100x and I laugh every bit as hard when I watch it now as when I watched it back as a young, supple 10 year old in 1998. It was a much simpler time back then - cancel culture would have NEVER allowed this episode to air 20+ years after it did. Thank Christ we got to watch that magic though.
1. The Finale:
Not only is "The Finale" the best episode in Seinfeld history, it's the best episode in TV history and that's just a stone cold fact. The band was back together for ONE FINAL SHOW (!!!) and HOLY SHIT did they hit a home run with it. The only series finale I can think of that competes with Seinfeld's finale is MAYBE Game of Thrones but if someone held a gun to my head, I'd go with Seinfeld's as the greatest series finale ever. TV perfection top to bottom, but it's not just because we got one last hurrah with the four hooligans we all grew to love at that point, we also got surprise appearances from every single ancillary character that the show graced us with throughout its 9 seasons: Newman, The Soup Nazi, Babu, Puddy, Frank and Estelle, and all of the other great side characters all made an appearance. IIRC, the chick with the awesome tits and ass that were very real and very spectacular showed up too. If we're being frank and in the trust tree, it makes me cry every time I stumble upon it at 630pm on TBS during random weekdays. They went out on top, and not many TV shows can say they did that.
And there you have it: the definitive list of the best Seinfeld episodes. I'm sure there are a few that could have made the list, and my list probably differs from others, but I'm the one with a login at Barstool Sports and you're not, so suck my fat one.