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The Back Story On Juan "Hog Show" Uribe #DarkSexy

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So all these emails and rumors are rolling in now that the Mets acquired Dark Sexy Juan Uribe. Apparently the guy just has the biggest dick on God’s green earth. Treating your teammates to a “hog show” is fucking hysterical. Like reading a book to a classroom full of children or something. Gather round, children! What do you want to see today? “I want to see the Whirly Bird!” “No no, do the ping pong trick, Juan!”

In the past 18 hours I’ve heard “Coke Can,” “Pringles Can,” and “Aquafina bottle emptied out and filled up with Coca Cola.” Makes you think you should just step up to the plate and swing his dick instead of a baseball bat.

Dark Sexy, ladies and gentleman. The Baseball Maverick Sandy Alderson acquired a true ballplayer with this one.

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