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Snow Days Are Officially Dead: NYC Forcing Kids To Learn Remotely Rather Than Experience Joy

I haven't had a snow day in over a decade. It's a thing that has no bearing on my life moving forward whatsoever. And yet, I find myself distraught. There was nothing better than a snow day. Absolutely nothing. I remember one year there were so many snow days that they added three minutes to our daily schedule. Not per class, per day. As if those 30 extra seconds per class were supposed to do a single goddamn thing. 

Another year, when I was much younger, it snowed on April Fools' Day. The salt trucks and plows were already done for the year, so the snow just kept piling up. We got Monday-Thursday off and Friday was both gym class AND pizza day. Arguably the best week of my life. So now you're just gonna sit there and tell me the next generation will never get to experience the joy of Mother Nature giving you a day off? We're all just attached to the hamster wheel with no hope of ever getting off? Even as an adult, you never leave work. Technology has made it so that we're all constantly accessible. What the fuck, technology? I thought you were on our side. We've been hoodwinked! Bamboozled! Led astray! Run amok! 

I weep for the children who will no longer be able to punt their homework into a roaring fireplace banking on the weatherman being right. Hearing about a potential snowstorm is like seeing Powerball hit that $500 Million mark. You start spending that money before you even buy your ticket. All you can dream about is seeing your school scroll across the bottom of the news. It's the closest most of us will get to winning a Lombardi. You can get some sledding in, a couple uninterrupted hours of video games, Price is Right? You better believe it. All that is gone. GONE. Now? You get to shovel and then get your ass back inside to do some virtual school. What a cruel twist of fate.