The Peanut Butter To Jelly Ratio Debate Has Officially Left Planet Earth

The other night Shaq told Donovan Mitchell to his face that he thought he stunk at sports. The internet was furious at Shaq for being a bitter old hater and ruining Inside the NBA. Well I think we all collective owe Shaq and apology because he was onto something with this. Donovan Mitchell, and those of his ilk, is a menace to society making jelly and bread sandwiches. This is horrifying behavior. The second most horrifying behavior surrounding PB&J I’ve seen this week.

I mean I know we’ve been in quarantine, but we still live in a society people. These are your neighbors. These are the people parenting the next generation. They’re walking around pretending to be the same species as the rest of us and then going home at night, unzipping their skin suits and sleeping with their eyes open like the lizard people they truly are.

As for the correct ratio of peanut butter to jelly? No surprise, but come join Bill Belichick and myself on the correct side of history.