Tabloid Reports That Justin Verlander Has Proposed To Kate Upton So Many Times She's Lost Count

(Source) A new report from OK! Magazine says that Justin Verlander has proposed to Kate Upton multiple times, and the supermodel has rejected him because she is not ready to get married. “In summer they can go for weeks without seeing each other. Justin has proposed to [sic] many times that he’s lost count,” the source said. “It wont be a surprise if they call it quits.”

The same article alleges there is an element of paranoia from Verlander because of the two’s conflicting schedules. In six starts this season, Verlander has given up 25 earned runs in 34 innings pitched.

What the fuck is Justin Verlander’s deal? I don’t get this at all. First of all man, your ERA is like a billion ever since you started dating Upton. Yeah nerds out there will point to your age and innings pitched and the fact that the downside was coming no matter what, but those of us with a brain know the real reason, Upton. Second, whether we want to talk about it or not we all saw the Fappening pictures. Was it fucked up that your phone was hacked? Sure was, but you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube and you sure as hell can’t forget some of the shit we all saw. Third, and this is the crazy part, Upton keeps turning you down? What the fuck man. What are you doing? Chicks hate desperate guys, just an awful awful look. Not to mention you’re still a crazy rich pro athlete. Is this all for love? Is that what you think this? You think you Love Kate Upton? Listen Justin,  Love is shit poor suckers like the rest of us pretend exists to justify the people we end up with, it’s not for rich people that can date anyone in the entire world. Wake up dude, you’re absolutely brainwashed. I’m not even a Tigers fan and I feel like it’s my duty to shake some sense into you. Fucking embarrassing, not as embarrassing as that mirror selfie without the belt, but embarrassing none the less.