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An Oklahoma Lawmaker Wants to Create a Bigfoot Hunting Season

Source - An Oklahoma state representative filed a bill this week that calls for the creation of a hunting season for Bigfoot.

Republican state Rep. Justin Humphrey introduced legislation that would direct the Oklahoma Wildlife Conservation Commission to establish an official hunting season for the elusive folklore creature.

The commission would set annual season dates and create any necessary specific hunting licenses and fees. 

Humphrey said that his sasquatch statement is designed to bring tourists to the state. ...

He noted how the town of Honobia in southeast Oklahoma already has a Bigfoot festival each October so the hunting season would ideally line up with that event. ...

The lawmaker specifically noted that he doesn’t want people to actually kill Bigfoot — instead he hopes to include language for his bill to secure at least $25,000 for the first person to capture the beast. 

Finally, an elected official doing something we can all get behind. This is exactly the kind of clear-thinking, bipartisan leadership we've been so sorely lacking on the national stage. 

Rep. Justin Humphrey, you had my attention at the words "Bigfoot Hunting." And then sold me with the idea of capturing, not killing. Call me naive, but my Squatch is more along the lines of a benign, benevolent evolutionary offshoot of our own species. An Australopithecus.  Maybe not a cartoon character like from "Harry and the Hendersons." More like the spiritual creature that is so sacred to the Native Americans of the Pacific Northwest and central North America. The one whose image figures so prominently in their iconography. 

Granted, there's another school of thought on Sasquatch. In one of Teddy Roosevelt's own autobiographies he spoke of meeting a fur trapper whose partner was torn limb from limb by a massive creature who walked on two legs and tore their camp apart. Which is just one of a thousand reasons why he was by far our coolest president. But let me go on record right now as saying I'd rather die than put a bullet in one of these noble primates. Every man dies. Not every man gets to say he was killed by a mythic creature that has managed to avoid contact with modern civilizations from all around the globe? In my death, I'd become the stuff of legend myself.

And while you can couch this all you want as just a stunt to attract tourists, you'd be ignoring the fact of the existence of Bigfoot. And all the experiencers who have encountered one. Last year, two of my brothers and I were hanging out on one brother's back deck which sits on the edge of deep forest in the heart of the famous Bridgewater Triangle talking about this very topic. When we were interrupted by a growl the likes of which none of us had ever heard before. We can't prove it was a Squatch, but it was no type of animal we'd ever encountered before. So if this is just a goof to get stupid tourists to go to Oklahoma and shell out money for hunting licenses like a bunch of naive rubes, you can book our trip now. Reservations for three, all under the name Thornton. And when we capture one, take verifiable video and then release him back into the wild as nature intended, the joke will be on everybody else.