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In-Depth Ranking Of The "Drafts"

I talked about this during my chat with PFT over the summer - making lists and ranking things is the best. The debate and seriousness people put into other important things like Presidential elections and the economy is what I do for lists like ranking the different kind of drafts. 

Obviously you've seen my list (shown above) but I had to have more of an arena to be able to explain the different reasonings I had for each one of the 10 drafts I selected. Here we go:


10. Rough

Rough drafts can be relaxing, soothing to a point because you know "hey no pressure. It's just our rough draft". That's fair, and at times can be really useful, but what it came down to for me is the fact that at the end of that particular draft you know that the final draft would be due. That's even lower than "rough". Too much pressure. Too many words you don't need. Too much stress for something as arbitrary as writing about the theory of relativity. When in doubt -  it's all relative. 


9. Raiders Under Al Davis

"With the 4th pick of the NFL Draft….the Oakland Raiders select….a wide receiver that ran a 4.3 AHHHHHH". Felt like every year. "But Al we could really use a left guard. We actually don't even have one on the ro- NO WE TAKE DARIUS HEYWARD-BEY AND ONLY DARIUS HEYWARD-BEY". 

Boom in April. Bust in October. 


8. Little League

The biggest excuse for 35-45 year old balding men to get together, eat like shit, drink beer, talk some more shit, and debate which kid's mom is the hottest. It's amazing the stories I've heard from former coaches and adults who confirm how many of the lower end draft picks in their kid's respective little league drafts were made based on whose mom (and in some cases sisters) were the hottest. Similar to the fantasy football draft, but the downfall here is a lot of times there can be pretty heated rivals of mostly douche bag guys you don't like that you have to sit in a room with for 4 hours talking about 10 year olds playing baseball. 


7. NBA

The top of the NBA Draft is always exciting and a little fun but after about the 9th pick all the rest of the guys will be riding the bench or never even make it to the NBA it seems so it ends pretty quickly. It's a nice little breakup in the middle of summer from baseball and bullshit to have some hoops action after The Finals. Doesn't come close to the NFL Draft but is a night out at the club compared to the MLB Draft so it makes the top-10. 


6. Snake

Incredibly popular with my Barstool Chicago friends and the most common draft format for your fantasy leagues. It's always a bit of a thrill to have the 10 or 11th pick out of 12 and momentarily forget that it is in fact a snake draft so you realize "oh shit it's coming back to me soon." Same goes for the number one and two picks. A lot of value there Kiper voice.


5. From A Window On A Hot Summer Night

I only think of Forrest Gump's house in Alabama for this for some reason, but nonetheless it is nice when it's been a sticky ass day so you crack a window just a bit to hopefully get some air flow coming through when you're rewarded with just that as you flip to the cool side of the pillow and enjoy the brief passing of the chilly draft. 


4. Fantasy

It's become almost a holiday in our culture - your annual fantasy football draft with the boys. It's the Big Leagues of the little league draft. You've graduated to being surrounded with douche bags that you mostly hate to douche bags you mostly like and have known your whole life give or take a couple weird substitutes that you get over being there. The wife has every other night of the year, but fantasy draft night belongs to you and the boys. What starts with some chips, dip, and beers followed by some fairly serious football discussion ends up being a 3:00 am night of playing cards and getting blasted after you finally drafted the team that will get you the toilet bowl or whatever odd trophy the commish picked up for the league. 

A modern American dream. 


3. Mock

The draft that we've come to live for. Who will my team definitely not be drafting but one can dream. The mock draft. They start as early as two years out from the next draft. First round of the 2021 NFL Draft over? Time to look up a few 2022 NFL mock drafts just to have something to get excited about. Want to kill time at work? Look up mock drafts. Have something to small talk about? Look up mock drafts. Piss your wife off at night? Be glued to the screen searching for the latest from Walter Camp. 

It's become an entire industry, and we've done it to ourselves. 


2. Beer

There are few things better in life than a perfectly poured, ice cold draught beer. Yes, I know the spelling is different, but when you're at your local pub and not a pretentious brewing company they spell it like we think of it - draft. Cue Frank The Tank "when it touches your lips". The sound of the glass hitting the table as you set it down after "having another" is a top 5 sound in the world. It doesn't matter if it's an IPA, a domestic, or anything else, it's tough to beat a draft beer. 


1. NFL

The NFL Draft is an event in of itself nowadays, and I love it. No team technically wins. No team technically loses. Just an excuse to get together and get excited about your favorite football team. The lead up and the hype are one thing, but waking up the day of the first round there is just a particular excitement in the air that you can't really put your finger on, but you know…it's draft day.