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Ozzie Guillen Is Going To Teach Billy Football How To Snap Jose Canseco In Half

Look, I'm on record as saying I think Jose Canseco murders Billy Football in cold blood. I mean I love Billy Football. Nicest kid on earth and just so innocent in every way.... and that's exactly the problem. He's this happy go lucky, innocent 21ish year old kid and Jose Canseco is a 50 something year old chemically imbalanced juice head with anger issues on anger issues. Not sure we've ever seen those anger issues manifest themselves, but if they haven't, now would be the perfect time in a controlled environment where he's literally allowed to decapitate another human so long as he does so within the rules of boxing. #Pray4Billly

That said, if there's one person who can coach Billy up enough it's Ozzie Guillen. After you decipher his broken English, I'm like 99% sure that's what he wants to do, too. I mean take a look at the guy and tell me he's not the dirtiest, scrappiest fighter of all time. You can't. He just reeks of "I'm gonna do whatever I can to win even if I perform a dirty act to do so." That's probably where the Grinder Rules came from and Grinder Rule #1 is "Win Or Die Trying". 

Billy - I want you to win. If you want me to put you in touch with the one man who can carry you to glory over that meathead Jose Canseco, let me know. I would be happy to be the liaison. 

PS - I hope Canseco puts up a better show than this. I really do. This alone makes me think he just really sucks at martial arts and that Billy might actually have a shot:

Nevertheless, as a newly minted MMA fan, I cannot wait for this fight. Rough n Rowdy is the best most mindless entertainment of alll time. Totally worth it for a Friday night when we're not allowed to go to bars or have fun anyways.