Dad Level 1000 Is Yanking A Full-Ass Turkey From Your Kid’s Bumper

Heather must be 25. Why else would her handle be Heather Clark 25? At 25, I’d imagine the active dads out there are just begging to be involved in their kid’s life in any meaningful way. If your kid only needs you when they have a turkey full ass in the bumper, so be it. Come on over, honey. Your papa bear will remove that mean turkey from your bumper. I hope in a decade my kid wants me to remove a fowl from her front bumper. I’d yank the shit out of it and then ask if she wants me to make her some steak.

She’ll say no and I’ll keep yanking on the turkey while tears fill my eyes. This is the circle of life I guess. However, if the turkey pops out and starts running like ole Thomas the Turkey here, I’ll whip my shotgun to the ready, kill the turkey, remove the feathers, inject it with the coronavirus vaccine, some Cajun spices, and some butter and have a delightful dinner with just me and my wife while Baby Dale WooHoo and Gussy Boy casually play in the backyard.

One day, she’ll want some steak and I’ll have the sirloins thawed and ready for the big green egg. For now, it’s turkey sandwiches. That’s ok. Steak dinner will be soon but not soon enough.