Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, Please Let The Browns Beat The Steelers Tonight Even Though The NFL Clearly Doesn't Want Them To

Ohios Tate1/10/2021 11:29 PM

Nic Antaya. Getty Images.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for including me in the most magical football season of my life, potentially in NFL history. And I want to kneel here before you today as a grateful fan of a once cursed franchise, excited for our first playoff game in nearly 20 years, but I cannot do that. We are getting screwed right now and I need your help. You know I'm not one to complain. But please help me understand why the NFL has done every single thing in their power to completely cheat the Browns out of winning their first playoff game since 1995? I haven't seen a lack of integrity in sports like this since the 1919 Black Sox scandal. How is this fair? We didn't get to practice until Friday of this week. We have 4 players sitting this one out. We have four assistant coaches sitting this one out. And the worst of it all, our head coach has to watch this game from home just like the rest of us, and he isn't allowed to communicate at all with his players or coaches. God I know you didn't bless Commissioner Goodell with a brain that works very well, but can you please plant a seed inside that thick skull of his to do what is right for the first time in his entire life? I know Oliver Vernon tore his achilles and that hurts. I know we have very key players that are out. I know that we have practiced less than any team in NFL history leading up to a playoff game. But I'm not going to ask you to cancel the game like the NFL would for the Steelers, Ravens, Packers, Patrick Mahomes, or Tom Brady. Let's play. I'm willing to battle through ALL OF THAT without a peep, as long as we can have our head coach back. Please let the NFL see the light before kickoff.

Amen.

Why can't Kevin Stefanski call the plays? We had an entire NFL Draft virtually. Kirk Herbstreit called the Buckeyes game last week from his basement. Why can't we get a livestream for Kevin Stefanski and let him do his job? Or why can't he isolate somewhere in the booth? So he led the Browns to their first playoff appearance since 2002 and now him and I are watching the game in the same way: in our basement. This makes no sense and it's just trying to keep the good guy down. This honestly reminds me of the Hunger Games. You need to keep the poor, beat up people of the world under control and out of power, because once they taste freedom and success, they will take it from everybody that was living a nice cushy life. The NFL wants to keep their darlings of the league like the Steelers in power. No one is ready for the Browns to rule the world.

Gosh I'm sick that we finally made it this far and I really don't see how we can win tonight. I REALLY liked our matchup with the Steelers, but this JV team we're about to play with doesn't stand much of a chance at all.

Head Coach Matchup: Mike Tomlin vs……nobody. Advantage Steelers.

Assistant Coach Matchup: 4 offensive coaches out vs. an entire staff. Advantage Steelers.

Preparation Matchup: 6 days of practice leading up to the game vs……1? Maybe 2? Advantage Steelers.

Injury / Covid Matchup: No Oliver Vernon. No Denzel Ward. No Joel Bitonio. We just don't have the players that got us here. Advantage Steelers.

But the one thing, the ONE THING that we do have an advantage tonight with is this guy:

Giphy Images.

You've got yourself a back against the wall, nobody believes in him, and now pissed off Baker Mayfield.

JUJU YOU IDIOT. What a dummy. The Steelers were going to win this game by a million points and then you had to open that big fat mouth of yours. And you know Baker Mayfield was going to take note of that.

HE DID!!!!!

Oh my god, Juju just gave us a chip and a chair. I know we're missing way too many key pieces and our offensive line is going to be hurting, but we now have a fighting chance. Baker, there's no one else I'd rather have in this game. The entire city is behind you. And the entire Browns family is behind you.

I CAN FEEL IT, COMING IN THE AIR TONIGHT, OH LORD.

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT, ALL MY LIFE, OH LORD.