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I'd Like To Formally Apologize For Jinxing The United States Of America Yesterday

I figure I owe you guys some kind of apology while also taking credit for a harmless viral tweet. I had no idea at 5:44a.m. central time that we collectively would not have a nice day. That's kind of on me but same time you can't really fault my intentions. Sometimes you get up in the morning with a smile on your face and you want to share it with the world. 

And sometimes the world waves back with a nice healthy doubled tapered shit directly down your throat. What are you going to do about it? 

Don't answer that. I mean that rhetorically. But if you are looking for a distraction, can I interest you in 1,500 finely crafted words on poached eggs? 

No? 

Maybe some homemade coleslaw courtesy of my dad? (and great-great grandmother) 

The reviews are starting to pour in and needless to say it's appropriately advertised as a Game Changer

In other news, the Barstool Fund is nearing $20,000,000 which I think is around the AAV of a Cubs extension with Javy Baez. So for context we just raised a Javy Baez in two weeks. Sometimes it takes a village other times it just takes El Pres on a mission. Mix that with the Today Show coverage and I'd say we're really just getting started. 

Help spin some karma and donate here

Elsewhere and while I have your attention, please throw me some good vibes on Sunday to the Chicago Bears. It's our 6th playoff appearance in 25 years and it's hard to imagine we've needed any of them as bad as this one. So for the love of Mitch let's get the play-action going early and try to make some magic. I need it so bad that the English language has not yet created a word to appropriately capture my desire. Chances are they never will. That's how bad I want it. 

HIT THE COMPLETELY UNRELATED BEARS VS SAINTS HIGHLIGHTS 

But seriously guys. 

About yesterday.

Have a day fellas