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Bridgerton Is Softcore Porn And You Should Definitely Watch it

Move over, 50 Shades. There's a new sexy sheriff in town, and its name is Bridgerton. Here is the show's description from Wikipedia:

What is it, actually? It's Victorian-era Gossip Girl, narrated by Julie Andrews, with TONS of "forbidden sex." I'll start off with a compliment to the music, done almost entirely by the Vitamin String Quartet. They come through with a TON of pop-instrumentals (Billie Eilish, Ariana Grande, Shawn Mendes, TAYLOR SWIFT) and it all feels very regal while staying familiar. The whole story is about Daphne, a sought-after debutant from a rich family who starts a "fake" relationship with The Duke, a hot ass guy, so she can trick the other suitors into liking her more because she seems "unattainable." The Duke doesn't "ever want to get married" because he has daddy issues and doesn't want to have kids, but the "mothers" of the town are always on his dick about it. It's a win-win for them both, their little arrangement. But then wait, what's this? THEY FALL IN LOVE?

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Not only do they fall in love, they fall in LUST!!!! They can't keep their hands off each other! But, such flirtation is not permitted in the country outside London. A woman can't even be seen alone with a man without her reputation being ruined! What's different about this show, is that they don't just "go at it" all the time. Sure, there are other characters in the show who fuck around and those sex scenes are hot too, but Daphne and The Duke have a game of cat and mouse going that will make your palms sweat. Don't get me wrong, they eventually fuck. In fact, there's sex, and there are also TWO separate scenes of him going down on her. King. 

Giphy Images.

There's a point where all they're about to do is HOLD HANDS, and I swear to god I considered grabbing my vibrator. I know it sounds insane, everyone's going to be like "lol Kelly you're just a horndog for romance and instrumental music, you're such a GIRL." I'm here to tell you, yes that's absolutely correct. But it transcends my own personal feelings. I have had SEVERAL straight men reach out to me, asking if I've seen the show. 1. because I'm the target market, it's as if they created this show in a lab for me personally, but 2. because it's ACTUALLY GOOD. Everyone's good looking, the girls all wear corsets that push their boobs up to their chins, and if you have ever liked any kind of period piece, it plays. There's fighting, DUELING, debauchery, sex, love, fashion, all of it. It's by Shonda Rimes, queen of Grey's Anatomy, if that gives you a little insight. Shonda RARELY misses. 

Give it a try. If anything, your girl will love it and you'll be rewinding the scenes you missed because you were too busy fuckin' to a string version of "In My Blood." Sounds lovely to me.