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On Second Thought It Was Probably A Blessing That The Cowboys Lost Yesterday

After 24 hours of reflection, I have come to the conclusion that I am very, very happy that the Dallas Cowboys found a way to lose to the trash vomit Giants in the last game of the season.

I think you know where I’m going with this.

If the Eagles would have sat Jalen Hurts for Nate fucking Sudfeld and I had to lose sleep watching that Sunday night match up just to see the Eagles intentionally lose to fuck my team out of a playoff spot? 

Nate Sudfeld, everyone!

I would be like every Giants fan on earth right now -- completely and utterly enraged. Wanting Doug Pederson’s head on a spike. And I bet you the reaction from our guy Jerry Jones would be even worse. Imagine the wrath of Vladimir Putin and put that inside of a Texan. 

Who knows the lengths that our man Jerry would have gone. Thinking of the retribution an insane billionaire like Jones would have on the Eagles might have been worth the pain of watching that shit fourth quarter. One thing’s for sure, Jerry won’t have to draft stud wide receivers out of spite. The Eagles will pass on those all on their own.

Back to the game. Even Jalen Hurts knew that what Doug Pederson was doing wasn’t right. He literally mouthed it on the sidelines. 

Maybe Mike McCarthy wasn’t so dumb after all. He knew to protect his team from the inevitable pain of a rigged system. No wonder the man who challenged the Dez catch kept his flag in his pocket on a far more obvious incomplete pass. 

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I’m grasping at straws, but what else do I have at this point? Just knowing that if the Cowboys had beaten the Giants as they should have done that they’d have gotten screwed by a guy who literally could not see that Carson Wentz was the problem is giving me anxiety. 

So in a way, it’s a lot more fun watching Eagles and Giants and WFT fans and players shit all over each other on the internet while, for once, the Cowboys get to watch the mud slinging from the sidelines. Everyone hates the Cowboys, but at least for now, EVERYONE hates the Eagles. Imagine tanking to let a Dan Snyder team into the playoffs. Good lord.

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All of this means that next year, the NFC East is going to be especially spicy. And for those people with no dog in the fight saying to Giants fans, if you really wanted to make the playoffs, win more than six games?

Yeah. Probably sound advice come to think about it.

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We’re on to Cincinnati, which in this case, means the off season. We’ll have a full season breakdown of the Cowboys when the dust settles, but for now? All eyes on the draft. We got needs to fill, and a Super Bowl to win. 

We are America’s Team, after all, and if you’re not lucky or doomed enough to be a Cowboys fan? You’re not invited to our 2021 Championship Parade.