The Barstool Fund - In Support Of The 30 Day FundLearn More

Best Of 2020: Woman Going To Jail For Being Too Horny And Fighting The Entire Plane When Nobody Would Join The Mile-High Club With Her

 

Mirror -A British woman has been jailed after she went on a drunken rampage on a holiday jet asking men to join her "mile-high club."

Demi Burton claimed she had been drinking so heavily on the flight between Abu Dhabi and Manchester because she had a fear of flying.

A court heard she got so intoxicated on red wine during the eight-hour flight home, she propositioned male passengers and kicked, bit and headbutted crew as the Etihad plane cruised at 30,000 feet.

The 20-year-old shocked two men by making crude comments about them having mid-air sex during her four-hour blow-out.

She has been jailed for six months after she admitted being drunk on an aircraft and five charges of assault.

She claimed she had been drinking as she had a fear of flying.

-------

So let's recap:

1) Got drunk as hell before a flight because she has a fear of flying.

2) While on board she gets big horny and decided she wanted to fuck a stranger in the bathroom.

3) May or may have not have started beating up passengers and flight attendants who tried to chill her out.

4) Now going to jail for 6 months.

 

That folks, is what we call, just bad luck.

I mean, look. You can't make a scene on an airplane. That's basically the number 1 rule of flying. Until 1995 when they decided smoking on a plane might actually be bad too, there were no other rules on planes. It was a free for all. Fuck the flight attendant in the bathroom, light up in the aisle, walk on up to the cockpit and share a cocktail with the pilot, there were no rules on flights besides don't raise your voice and make a scene. Because the second you make a scene on a plane, it's no holds barred for the other passengers. It's a hell in a cell triple threat match and everyone is trying to toss you through the announcing table. You can basically do anything you want to restrain an unruly passenger if the plane is flying, all in the name of national security. It doesn't matter if there is a colonial woman on the wing churning butter,

 

tumblr_m17u5ctQx71rrx8xeo12_r1_250

 

you just cannot do anything on a plane that draws attention to you.

Which is why I call her case just some bad luck. If someone on the plane would have just stepped up and fucked her in the bathroom, none of this would be an issue.

 

"Two in particular remember hearing comments and at first they laughed it off but it then became more and more increasingly inappropriate and she asked them to join the mile high club.
 

But since no man would initiate the 20-year-old stranger into the prestigious Mile High Club, she had no choice but to get unruly and start fighting everyone:

 

“You may as well just land the plane now then!” Burton shouted at the crew and unleashed her attack as her 259 fellow passengers looked on in horror.
An anesthesiologist who tried to restrain Burton was bitten on the elbow and head-butted — saying the struggle was “worse than anything he’d seen” in the emergency room, the Minshull Street Crown Court heard.
Other passengers also were bitten and kicked before six crew members and others finally took her down, restrained her and handed her over to authorities when they touched down.

 

Gotta love it. Wanted the D so bad she just fist fought the entire crew. Took 6 of them to restrain her, like she turned into the Big Show after a few glasses of Cab Sav.

And now? Prison. 6 months of prison for being too horny at 35,000 feet. Hell of a thing to have on your record. Imagine her having to explain it at her next job interview.

 
Interviewer: "Well you know I have to ask, I see you have a disorderly conduct charge on your record, can you explain?"
Woman: "Well you see, it's not that big of a deal. Some lameos on my flight wouldn't hollow me out in the bathroom on my flight between Abu Dhabi and Manchester so I beat the shit out of them."

 

Happens to the best of us. So thoughts and prayers to this damsel in distress. May her next flight be filled with men equally as drunk and horny as she is.

 

giphy (2)