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The Westminster Dog Show Has A Cankle Problem And Its Ruining My Dog Show Experience

So last night I was watching the Westminster Dog Show, which is phenomenal television by the way. Dogs being awesome. Learning facts about different types of dogs. Basically the best thing on TV in the middle of February when the Bulls are getting smoked by the Spurs and the Blackhawks aren’t playing. Except for one thing.  The handlers. Its like they purposefully went out and tried to find a bunch of 50 year old women in disgusting skirt suits to show off their cankles and nasty hair. Totally ruined my dog watching experience. Every time I saw a cool dog I had to look at a gross woman. Look at this shit…


And if it wasn’t peasant ankles in ripped stockings it was frumpy assholes.

Or gender ambiguous people wearing those black velcro shoes that are made for waiters and your grandfather.

What are you bro?

And all the while we have to watch these people run around, even though they’ve never done anything athletic in their life.

That’s an awesome dog right there, but all I could think about was why my middle school Librarian was trying to run in heels.

Sidenote – Love the white announcer using “How you like me now” except in the Super nerdy/white way with “What Do You Think About Me Now”.


So I don’t know what to say. I don’t know who I have to talk to to get this fixed but its a problem. The Westminster dog show is great and its being completely ruined by haggard middle aged women awkwardly trotting dogs around. If I’m looking at attractive dogs I need attractive women. I almost feel like Barstool should sponsor a rouge Dog League. An XFL to the NFL. A WCW to the WWF. We won’t have any breed restrictions either. Best looking dog matched with the best looking smoke wins. Flat out. Simple as that. Call it “Bitches and Bitches”. Instant goldmine.


I honestly think “Bitches and Bitches” would work. Then again, I also think the Frambulance (Firetruck mixed with an Ambulance is the best idea ever) but seriously, who doesn’t watch “Bitches and Bitches”?