Cowboys Vs 49ers Is A Pillow Fight To See Who Will Lose In The Playoffs

Ronald Martinez. Getty Images.

Sunday's game, flexed out of prime time by the powers that be, features the two most snake bitten teams of 2020. The Cowboys injury woes are well documented round these parts, and the 49ers have $71 million worth of players currently on IR. There is another surprising piece of news these two teams have in common-- despite being largely awful all season… they both are still VERY much in the playoff race and seemingly are going to fight until the very end to try and sneak in. 

We’ll call this game the 1pm pillow fight. 

 What am I afraid of? The Cowboys playing well in this matchup, winning handily and ending up with a worse draft pick. The line is 49ers -3 in Dallas which pretty much means Vegas has absolutely no fucking clue what is going to happen between these two. 

It appears that Raheem Mostert and George Kittle are slated to return this weekend to fight for that playoff spot. The Niners defense appears to be healthy which probably means bad things for Andy Dalton if our guy Terence Steele has to fight with Jordan Willis for 4 quarters. 

I’m very much on record as wanting Dallas to lose all their games, but with Penei Sewell now sadly out of reach, I GUESS I can get on board with a playoff push. And if the Cowboys are going to win out, it will start with what has been a ridiculously inept secondary which just so happens to be getting healthy. Awuzie is coming back from Covid, rookie Diggs is coming off IR, and Brown and Wilson are both back after missing time, so they might actually be healthy. And with Aldon Smith leading a (slightly) rejuvenated pass rush, the defense might play more like a middle of the pack team than the last ranked D they have been all year.

Offensively, Dalton seems to be in a little bit of a groove, with Pollard shouldering the majority of the carries. Zeke is still a PROBLEM and not in a good way because he continues to regress badly:

The two-time NFL rushing champion averaged 108.7 yards per game and 5.1 per carry as a rookie in 2016. He’s experienced a consistent decline since, and is just producing 64.0 yards per game and 3.9 per carry through 13 contests in 2020. And after scoring five rushing touchdowns in the first five games, he’s had none on the ground in the last eight.

So yeah, since he’s nursing a calf injury anyway, let’s put that man on a pitch count. 

I think this game will actually be entertaining and I believe the Cowboys can actually win. Do you have ANY idea what it feels like to write that after this fucking horrible season? 

The Cowboys CAN STILL MAKE THE PLAYOFFS. What world are we living in? And a small, growing part inside me wants them to even if they’ll get waxed in the wild card game. 

I hate football.

Prediction: Cowboys 23 Niners 20