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No Sex = No Kids, Instead Of A 2020 Baby Boom, We're Now Calling It A "Baby Bust"


Childbirth is trending on this fine Friday, and it reminded me to look up some stats on something I, and everyone else on earth, thought was going to happen - a COVID/2020 Baby Boom.



Babies all over the world. Loads of em. So many that we're starting to get concerned over LACK OF BEDS TO BIRTH BABIES! But wait, not so fast. This USA Today article goes on to explain the exact opposite:


Whether social distancing urged romantic partners to meet less, or financial strain and child care uncertainty caused families to hit pause on having kids, the coronavirus pandemic has led to a decline in both planned and unplanned pregnancies, experts said.

Nationwide, a Thursday Brookings Institute report projects around 300,000 fewer births next year. Google trends showed significant decreases in sex and pregnancy-related searches. And in a report published Wednesday, Modern Fertility found that about 30% of people with ovaries are changing their family plans, with most deciding to delay conception.


Less unplanned pregnancies (bc people aren't getting hopped up on Red Bull Vodkas and fucking the first 6 they meet at a bar like they used to) and 30% of "people with ovaries" (HAHA, why does this sound so absurd) are "delaying conception." Okay, sure. Despite to my own personal Instagram feed, where roughly 15 of my friends/acquaintances are newly pregnant, have been pregnant through the whole pandemic, or have already pushed a kid out this year, these stats show me that in reality, overall "production of babies" (HAHA) is at an all time low. So, what do we do about it?

Giphy Images.


FIRE UP THE CONVEYER BELTS! WE'VE GOTTA PUMP OUT SOME KIDS! Stick on some arms and legs and get em wrapped up in tiny blankets. There are going to be ~300,000 LESS kids coming into the world this year. Let's be clear, I'm not complaining. The fewer future youths who will steal my jobs and boyfriends, the better. But 300,000 in the US alone sounds like a lot. I'm sure it's even more overseas, especially somewhere like Italy where they haven't left their houses for real since March. Are we just going to skip an entire generation? The difference in the "type of person you are" varies year to year, in my opinion. My view of life (born 1990) and someone born in 1994 may seem the same, but they're different as fuck. Kids from 1994 probably didn't even have flip phones! Or dial up internet! Or at least, not long enough to really appreciate what we have now. What will the 2020 kids who weren't born miss out on? I guess they won't have that "2020" stigma, that seems like a pretty big burden to hold. Being born in statistically one of the worst years ever? How will therapists in the year 2040 make their money? The only solution I see, is that we all start fucking again. Just, get pregnant. I definitely won't, but other people should. It's a matter of saving humanity.