Breaking Down Santa's Golf Game

Scouts honor I'm an absolute sucker for Christmas decorations. If you know me then you know there's a 3 foot snowman on the back porch adorned with Miller Lite lights intertwined with the original multi-color 300 bulb from Home Depot. You know that about me. It's on my Frequently Asked Question page right next to the part about me cooking Two Birds every Thanksgiving. I'm a big Christmas guy as evidenced by my dominance in Christmas Movie Snake Draft that Red Ed predictably doctored. We'll get to that later. 

For now, let the record show that I like a clean Christmas decoration display. Not the goofy shit with half a dozen power generators that lights up the whole block just because mom has a snoopy fetish. And not the music coordinated light displays either. The kinda guys that used to work backstage for Transiberian Orchestra but have since pivoted to a more domestic life. Traveling on the road is hard so they have rechanneled that energy into twenty five thousand watts of professional grade sound harmoniously synced to 8,000 alternating Christmas light bulbs. I respect the effort but you guys are out of your fucking minds. 

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To me, a clean premium exterior Christmas decoration consists of organized lights, maybe one stand alone plastic character, a good wreath and maybe some red bows on the windows if your old lady can pull that off. I don't need it but someone on my block has it and I envy the move. Those are nice. But overall you need something that's simple but says you're home for the holidays. Light on storage but heavy where it counts. That's good Christmas decor to me. 

In this case you have to love how shallow Santa keeps his shaft on the down swing. Hands close to the body translates to more force at impact. And as you can see, I like Santa playing this one off his back foot. Someone in the comments said it looked like a stinger 4-iron but from my vantage point I see more of an Open-style bump and run. Either way you love the head staying still through impact. Ernie Els has made a killing with that kind of vertical stability. And without pissing off the Tiger crowd can we admit Santa looks good in red? 

Honestly I just thought it was a cool decoration and wanted to see if I could get up to 400 words in a blog about it. End of this sentence we're at a clean 420. Nice. 

Merry Christmas.