We're back folks. National Signing Day. When college football fans far and wide gather together to pretend they have any idea who 95 percent of these high school students are and place unrealistic expectations on their team's three best recruits. It truly is the most wonderful time of the year.
And with Signing Day comes its best byproduct: the All-Name Team. Today, we will get to revel in the best names of now-collegiate football players across this great nation. So without further ado, let's take a look at some of the top names on this National Signing Day.
Midnight Steward, Samford DB
This kid may be an FCS football player, but he has a Heisman Trophy-caliber name. No receiver running across the middle of the field wants to come across a dude named Midnight. That's a guy that is going to hit you with everything he has. Samford's secondary is going to wreak havoc with this guy back there.
David Davidkov, Iowa OL
Every time I see a name like this, I can't quite decide if I love or hate what the parents did here. While being David Davidkov is obviously ridiculous to a certain degree, it also kinda fucks. And if you grow up to be a Power Five offensive lineman, it absolutely works. So if you're going to give your kid essentially the same first and last name, make sure you give them great athletic training.
Gunnar Helm, Texas TE
Gunnar Helm was born to be a football player at the University of Texas. He had offers from Alabama, Georgia and the like but knew exactly where he was supposed to be. I hope things work out for him there because we all deserve Gunnar Helm to be the focal point of a Longhorns offense.
Dematrius "Thicc Marshall" Davis, Auburn QB
Dematrius Davis is a great name, but it's the nickname here that has this four-star quarterback on this year's All-Name Team. Thicc Marshall! College football fans will certainly remember Auburn QB Nick Marshall, who threw the Prayer at Jordan-Hare and had the Tigers within seconds of a national championship. And now the Plainsmen have a worthy successor in Davis, who should be referred to exclusively as Thicc Marshall.
Kybo Jamerson, UAB LB
It just doesn't get much better than Kybo Jamerson. This is one of those names similar to David Davidkov where you're almost predestined to be a great athlete. There are no Kybo Jamersons out there just working a desk job who weren't awesome at a sport at one point. Kybo is going to tear up Conference USA.
Hamp Fay, Michigan State QB
How in the world did Tom Herman allow Hamp Fay to get out of Texas and go to Michigan State? This is the kid that's supposed to be throwing to Gunnar Helm for the next four years. There's no excuse for Hamp Fay to get out of Texas. Congrats to him for going to the program he thinks is the best fit for him, but that name does not belong in the Big Ten.
J'Marion Gooch, Tennessee OL
How big does J'Marion Gooch sound to you? Because this kid is listed at 6'7", 358 pounds and even that seems a little undersized for this name, honestly. J'Marion Gooch just screams massive dude that will end you. Glad to have him on my team.
General Booty, Uncommitted QB
I was trying to keep this list to players who had already signed today — we can add more in February — but this list is simply not complete without General Booty. I don't even know if this kid can throw a spiral, but I want him to be in the Heisman running come 2022. I think I speak for everyone when I say I wish General the absolute best, as we all want to see him on 2025 NFL Draft boards.